I am sick of being invisible. I am sick of my stupid so called friends treating me like crap. They want something and by nature I am a giver. I don't mind helping you with every aspect of your life, giving boyfriend advice, helping to plan your wedding, taking calls in the middle of the night because your depressed or driving as fast as I can to get you when your in trouble. That's what I thought friends do. I do mind that when I need help they are gone. That when we set plans they just don't show or don't answer the phone. That like tonight I get invited to a stupid graduation for a sweet girl I don't really know and I am begged to go. I cancel my trip to Vegas because I feel like I need to see my friends more since I don't make dinners and birthdays since I moved away. I drive all the way to this party and the friend no shows. I am surrounded by college grads and motorcycle gangs (graduates bf is like some asshole rider) and I try ot talk but they don't know me so they ignore me. My friend wont pick up her phone, tells me through text sh eis on her way. I was there for three hours and she kept texting me she was on her way but then everyone leaves so I text her back, thanks for the no show. She goes OFF! Tells me I should have gone for the girls party n not her, says I am the biggest flake she knows (because I never drive out for parties) and that we don't have to be friends anymore. It gets heated and I am like, stay cool and just explain ur not mad but because she wont answer n we r talking through texts she is taking everything out of proportion and ends with nice knowing you bitch. .... I am speechless. This stupid girl, I have gone to get her because her bf beat her after I told her leave his a$$ and she is like," no no it wont happen again". She needs help and calls me at midnight twice a week... I am too nice. I let her walk on em and now I feel like a fucking idiot. I kept her around because lately my friends have moved away o gotten married and now I am losing the few friends I had. I try to be positive and when we hang out people are like, omg ur the best friend ever but once I leave they dont call. Unless they are sad of course. I hate I lost my house and moved away. I hate that I feel so ugly I want to cut my face up and that days like today when I kinda feel pretty no one sees. No second looks like my sister gets. Oh my beautiful sister... I hear about her all the time but me. I'm the other sister. No one says anything. My mom thinks I am ugly... I feel like a worthless nothing!!! Nothing nothing nothing. I am there for everyone else and no one cares about me! My best friend is like oh my bf says he wants me to stay in tonight, he is going to bed but he wants me in. I hate this, I hate being alone ALL THE TIME! I'm sitting here in my underwear drinking sobe and contemplating getting really drunk or just finding some guy at a bar. I feel like robbing someone or swimming naked in the ocean tonight. Anything to feel a rush. A scary rush. I'm done being nice, I am done being mean! I hate being alone!!!!! I'm prob going to do what I normally do, take some pills to make me fall asleep. I hate myself tonight.