I woke up and all I wanted to do was slit my wrists. I feel like I'm torturing myself... like I'm so desperate to be loved and accepted that I have to torture myself into doing so. Why do the people I care about treat me like dirt? Do I deserve this? Yes I know sometimes I can be a bit of a bitch, but so can they.... you can't tell me it's karma when some of the downright most evil bitchiest scheming horrible assholes in this world are happily married, with great friends, a good social network of family and loved ones and good jobs. When I only say the odd nasty thing as humans do and I'm being constantly tortured. All I wanted was a nice night out with a few friends. And what did I get? Manipulated into buying that bitch drinks, manipulated into being your 'wing girl' even though I'm the ugly fat chick and nobody wants me. People only talk to me to get to you and you know what so you use me for it and then have the nerve to call me your best friend. Why can't everybody fake around me just fuck off. Why can't you understand that when I poured my heart out and told you how it is with me, the fact that I'm suffering through my issues, me telling you all was my way of trying to be close to you and open up. Instead you all abuse my trust and friendship and use it to manipulate the situation. Why can't I just find good friends, people whom I love and who love me. Why can't I just be a good friend and love people, even when they aren't perfect. Why is this life so difficult. I know nothing worth having comes easy, but why is EVERY LITTLE THING so f*cking hard!?! If I had the balls to kill myself I'd be dead already. I envy those that could.