I haven't really been feeling like myself lately, but today was terrible. I don't know what is was that made today so bad. School was just like it usually was. Nothing different there. But then I started thinking about things. Just stuff that's been happening lately, and I started to cry. I had the strong urge to cut myself again. I haven't done that in a while, and my last two severe cuts are just now fully healed. I want to feel my skin being pulled apart so bad, but I know I shouldn't. Of course, I've thought of ending it. I'm sure tons of teens have, but I don't have the balls to do it, no matter how great it sounds. Just being able to leave everything behind, no remorse. Just being gone. In the ground, just a memory soon enough. Even though I knew I wasn't going to try anything, I just started to think of ways I could do it.edit <moderator total eclipse method> But it's so easy for that to fail, and me just be left unable to talk and eat correctly. edit moderator total eclipse method First of all, I don't have access to anything, and liver failure doesn't sound to nice. Cutting? It'd take to long. edit mod total eclipse method No access. Jumping? Where would I jump from? After I was done thinking about all of this, I let my mind wonder to why I was feeling this way. Then I realized I don't have a good reason to feel like crap everyday. I just have normal teenage problems, nothing to drastic, I'm not teased (not enough to effect me, anyway), my parents dont abuse me. I have friends, great friends. Sure, people have hurt me, but everyone's been hurt sometime in their life. Realizing I didn't have a legitimate reason to feel so...depressed, made me feel even more crappy. I don't have anyone to talk to this about. My bestfriend, is really messed up. She used to cut tons, she's schizophrenic and other things, and I feel like if I opened up to her, she'd just think I was trying to be like her.(deep down, I know she really wouldn't, but it's an excuse that keeps me from talking) I can't tell my mom, she already thinks I try to 'categorize' myself, after I asked if scratching myself till I bleed was bad, a while back. I just know if I tell her how I feel, she'll think it's because I hang around my bestfriend. WHICH IT'S NOT, not at all. Telling doctors would only result in me getting put on tons of new medication, and possibly being sent to a mental rehabilitation center. I don't need that. -sigh- I don't know why I'm posting this, I just felt like I really needed to type it out.