hi my names jordan. been through alot over the years and well its hard for me to talk about but who better then this forum. and well ive avoided thinking about cutting for the longest time ive been non cutting for 3 solid months then tonight something made me pick up the knife and start i realize im weak my drinking was hard to understand but ive been 2 years sober and well in the end it boils down to things my father told me when i was younger "your never going to ammount to anything. your going to be weak your whole life and your never going to have anyone because your a loser" i was 13 when i got that message and since then ive been cutting the loss of my aunt was a hard hit in the heart and i cut alot after the pain never goes away i guess its my fault i dwell on the past and my ex jessica i love her still. she always going to be the one that got away or the one i let get away she was my rock and i felt like steady with her and its been over a year and i lost her due to my drinking. and i also start thinking of how i hurt her and that makes me pick up the knife and dig into my flesh to just idk feel something other then whats in my heart. ive got alot more but ill just stop. thank for reading if you did and if you have anything to say just comment.