From the moment I woke up I told myself that today would be a good day. It was going to go well. I was going to face my friends and my teachers and my parents with the same look I give them every other day. But once I got to the car it just felt harder. I don't know why but I felt like puking. Not puking because of a mushroom I ate or anything but my stomach was twisting and my chest was just heavy. But so far, it was good. For some reason I was quiet. I couldn't bring myself to make small talk or smile that smile that made my jaw hurt. The day was just getting harder for some reason. So the whole day I just sat there trying to act as normal as I can. I would catch myself staring off into space. And I was just off. It was that feeling, it hasn't left yet and I just wanted to go home. I wanted to puke. I'd write in my notebook repeatedly, I'm okay I'm okay just stop thinking. Don't think. Just shut up and get on with your day. Just shut up shut up shut up. Today's a good day. Don't you dare cry here. Act normal. Get through today and go home. Wait a little longer. Don't be a fucking whore. Stop it stop it stop it stop it. You're okay. Say only that and it'll be fine. Today is a good day. And that's all that I'd write. And I just wanted to tell someone. That I wasn't okay. For someone to notice that whenever I said "Of course I'm fine." I was lying. I'd stare into someone's eyes for a second and wish that they can see. But no one ever does because I'm just being stupid. But it's hard. Some days I'd just wish that the car would be hit by a truck just so I wouldn't have to do it myself. Let's face it, I won't be able to. Such a fucking coward. And I just want to curl up on the floor and sleep.