a lot of downs, with a small up in the middle. lot of crying. the up was my cousin's graduation party. i put aside my issues (with a little help from alcohol) for the few hours and had a decent time. issues broke back out shortly into the ride home. then dad started telling mom to drive off the road and kill us all. wish she would, but not really. that's a crappy way to go, and i don't want to become a paraplegic. he also kept saying he's guna die tomorrow. i had a dream about him dying about a week ago, maybe less than that. kinda scary. in my dream, i remember my mom saying she 'thought he'd be worth more insurance-wise'. kinda fucked up.