Today's bed time depresso summary

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WannaEndit01, Aug 27, 2016.

  1. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    First, I woke up this morning believing my technology (software I am working on) was "junk science." But since I have nothing else to do, and I told the company I would send them a report, I worked on it. After forcing myself out of bed and into the shower. Most of the day the technology seemed like junk. Then towards the end of the day I had a few high point where it actually worked. And, I started putting together example sets that may persuade them to buy.

    I also added supporting text explaining any perceived discrepancies. The odds of getting this deal are slim. And it will take 4 to 6 months just to get it signed. However, it's worth $500,000 a year to me (maybe more, maybe less). I am starting to believe I can make a reasonable report based on fact not false data.

    The big issue is false positives. I think the problem can be solved by defining complete LTP sets for each cell abnormality. That's what I hoping anyway. Require at least 2 matches per selection.

    I did not try to kill myself all day. (4 weeks of prosac) I watched a TV show tonight without getting depressed. Now my fear is tomorrow morning. Some friend invited my to join then at the club Luau tomorrow nigtht. If I am not depressed to bad I will go.

    Also, if I am not to depressed tomorrow I am gonna try to take my boat out. So that's today's summary.
     
  2. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    It sounds like to me, you are doing much better. You are making headway on one of your projects. That sounds very lucrative, it has to be exciting to see the potential of this deal. Do you need an assistant? lol

    You got invited out to social events, tomorrow night. I think you taking your boat out would be a good idea for you. I am glad to see you turning things around and things are working out for you.

    Take Care
     
  3. WhoaThisPlaceIsScary

    WhoaThisPlaceIsScary Well-Known Member

    Did you invent a time machine??If so..can I borrow it?
     
  4. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    No time machine. Am I doing better. Yes, does the software work, maybe. Do I still want to die, a very important question, yes sometimes.
     
  5. moxman

    moxman Well-Known Member

    i think it is a sign of progress. maybe i am getting through that thick head of yours after all. =)

    i have a very good feeling that you will get the software to work, i have faith in you.
     
  6. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Today's rant. I am going down hill fast. I need to take a shower and get ready to go out to dinner. Hopefully the shower will stop the slide. Do I still want to commit suicide? Most of the day no. Should I commit suicide, my gut answer is yes. My logical answer is wait, at least see if you're project proposal gets anywhere. You only get to kill yourself successfully once. If you screw up your suicide, that will cause all sorts of problems.

    The weird thing is, and I don't know if it's the prosac working, I avoid thinking about my <Mod Edit:Methods>in the closest.

    What I need to focus on is getting the H proposal done, and creating the Business Plan for GE and Siemens. You might as well do these things before you kill yourself. And to do them correctly you need to not be depressed, so try to focus on one of them succeeding. Then go from there. If all three fail, the suicide kit will always be there. And the failure of all three should be enough to push you over.

    Now do I feel better writing all that? Yes a little. On a purely logical level the above makes sense. Emotionally, it's like why wait they'll all fail anyway. But when I say that I don't think about running to the closet <ModEdit:Method> Anyway, I will now get take a shower and hope it fixes me for the night.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 27, 2016