I am writing because I am here. I have not tried to kill myself yet today. That's a step in the right direction. I am pretending that doom is not all around me. If you read my post, you'd know yesterday I tried twice. Can't say how, that's against the rules. What I can say is I quit each time close to 1/2 way there is my guess. If I keep this up, one of these times I going to be successful, which is what my depressive mind wants. Why? Why did I quit? Honestly, I don't want death. But when the depression hits that's all there is. And it hit big time this time. Everything collapsed around me and I've retreated into major depression. Now I am fighting to get out -- sometimes. Other times the depression wins. Anyway that's my current two cents.