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Today's email

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Terry

Terry

Antiquities Friend
Staff Alumni
#1
#1
Questions that puzzle me


Can you cry under water ?


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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered ?


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Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to ?


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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity ?


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Why does a round pizza come in a square box ?


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What disease did cured ham actually have ?


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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage ?


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Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours ?


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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing ?


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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV ?


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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground ?


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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.


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Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural ?


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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat ?


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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him ?


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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat ?


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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs !


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If Wile E.. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner ?


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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from ?


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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons ?


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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune ?


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Why did you just try singing the two songs above ?


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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass ?


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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window ?


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Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place ?



:laugh:
 
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F

FoundAndLost1

#4
#4
Those are great!! Just remembered this 'other' email... :biggrin:


Thanks For The Forwards


Hope New Year was good and the rest of the year will be better. My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me "forwards" over the past 12 months.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy. Extra thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat crap in the glue on envelopes because I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope.

Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason. Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer use cling film in the microwave because it causes cancer. I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I no longer go to shopping centres because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from nor send packages by Parcel Force or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat KFC because their "chickens" are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers. I no longer worry about my soul because at last count I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).

I no longer have any money at all - but that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special email program.

Yes, I want to thank you so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour!

If you don't forward this link at least 144,691 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (GMT) this afternoon. (I KNOW this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next-door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician's niece...)
 
F

FoundAndLost1

#6
#6
More rhetorical questions...


Gallagher (the comedian) from:
"You Folks Just Ain't Thinkin' About This Stuff...!"


Why do men have nipples, and no tits?
...Ever see a plumber put faucets on a wall, no pipes?

What makes teflon stick to the pan?

If knees could bend the other way, how would chairs look?

If your woman leaves you for another woman, should you hold the door for both of them?

Why are pantyhose reinforced at the crotch?
It's the knees that get all the wear...!

* * *
George Carlin...

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

“One thing leads to another”? Not always. Sometimes one thing leads to the same thing. Ask an addict.

What was the best thing before sliced bread?
 
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