Today's Suicidal update.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WannaEndit01, Sep 22, 2016.

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  1. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    So I am on week 7 of Prosac. Has it helped? yes. Am I still suicidal yes. Are the reasons that make me suicidal still here, yes. What am I doing about it. Was doing three now doing two things.

    1. I am changing my job at work and that is helping. They won't let me leave my current one, but it's down to 30 minutes a day of work. I fix gaming software that when broken they're losing money -- so they want to keep me around. What I've done is gotten involved with new technology in the company that has a future for the other 7.5 hours a day. Something I can put on my Resume if needed.

    2. I have been working on a BP, that's dragging on, for full out development of the imaging technology I've worked on and off for the last 20 years. Assuming we get the Business Plan done, and if there are no takers, then I am going to try and sell the technology to any company who will buy it.

    3. I sent my testing report of a companies medical images to the requesting company (they were mostly positive); they wanted to check out if our technology would work for their medical images. We have not heard back from them. And, I have no intention of calling them. If they said yes, I would be surprised. Second, I don't want the work. I am not sure our technology will work for their application. The test were positive and and neutral both. We need a larger data set to figure out if the technology would work. I don't want to put myself in a situation where they pay us a bunch of money to do something we can't. If they came back and were willing to pay to test a larger data set that would be great. More testing is needed for sure. So for the moment I am letting this die.

    So that's that. The question remains do I still want to kill myself. Yes actually, just not as much. I am still depressed? Yes, just not as bad. I am going forward with life? At the moment yes. Why because I don't have much of a choice really. I've listed the choices before: 1. Suicide, 2. do nothing, 3. Try to go forward.

    "1." Is really hard to do, and permanent. "2." Sucks, you just stay in pain and eventually whatever you have left in life will implode around you. "3." Is the only option that has some potential success.
  2. dax

    dax Well-Known Member

    Keep going forward, I hope you get to that point suicidal thoughts do not plague you.
  3. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Good luck with everything, these seem like very sound plans! Hang in there!
  4. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the feedback. Hanging in the is much easier said then done, but I don't have a choice. tomorrow I work from home so that will be scary. Hopefully, I won't be all depressed, etc.
  5. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    If you're scared about working from home alone, could you have someone call you? or call someone for updates? You could make up some work-related reasons if that's what you need?
  6. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    Worried about dropping into major depression. For several reasons. I have no company work to do, and working on my own stuff triggers depression some times. Your advice is good. Let me think about it.

  7. calvinandhobbs

    calvinandhobbs Well-Known Member

    You are a very strong person!! I believe in you.
  8. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    I hope i have a true productive day. I need to finish my new website.
    calvinandhobbs likes this.
  9. moxman

    moxman The "Perfect Life" YouTube channel is neat

    Sounds like you are doing well. You have a lot of irons in the fire, hopefully one of them will come through for you.

    Take Care
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