Today's thought on suicide.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by WannaEndit01, Sep 16, 2016.

  1. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    At first I could not get up this morning. To depressed I think. So then I said OK just lie here and let your mind go where it wants. (FYI: just started week 7 of Prosac, yesterday I was swinging back and forth all day, between depression and almost normal). So then I told myself you have 3 options. 1. lie here all day (It's important to know, I had major catatonic depression, where I lie in bed and can't move, literately engrossed in emotional pain and dreams) 2. get up and try to work and/or chat on this website. 3. Get up and end-it (Note: I have a "method" in my closet ready to go).

    So, if you're reading this you know I chose 2. How did it go. Worked for about 5 minutes went to chat to talk about my morning then came here. To write the above. To see if it would help get me closer to normal.

    Has it? Maybe a little. . . . .
    calvinandhobbs and Brian777 like this.
  2. Brian777

    Brian777 Safety and Support Forum Pro SF Supporter

    Glad you chose option #2 :) it's an option with multiple opportunities. Getting out of bed is my toughest time to. But usually the day gets somewhat better. Motion brings motivation I guess.
    Cheers bro
    calvinandhobbs likes this.
  3. calvinandhobbs

    calvinandhobbs Well-Known Member

    Cheers for 2.., I went looking for the bird, btw
    Brian777 likes this.
  4. WannaEndit01

    WannaEndit01 Well-Known Member

    thanks for the responses. Did a little more work. But not sure how the rest of the day will work out. Ate a little but Mr. Suicide keeps saying hello. Honestly, sometimes it would just seem much easier to end it. Then I think about the last two times I tried and quit. I remember realizing I had minutes left, if not seconds, and quitting. Why did I quit, not once but twice? Desire to live I suppose. Or fear of death?

    I wonder if in the next weeks, hell maybe today, will I follow through. Assuming I am successful, will I have met my goals to end the pain? I won't know I'll be dead. Or worse, fucked up worse, if I fail.
    Brian777 likes this.
  5. Dikta

    Dikta Autistic.

    I'm glad you chose option 2!

    And well it can be fear of death or it can be that your subconscious wants you to live and keep fighting, since it knows it'll get better.