All my life there were three things that my parents always said. 1.) My sister was going to grow up and be surrounded by kids 2.) My brother was going to grow up and they weren't going to see much of him because he would be traveling or something 3.) That I was the smart one who was going to make millions and take care of them when they were older. Well so far my sister is surrounded by children, just not the way my parents always thought. She's a substitute teacher who is trying to become a full time teacher. But in the mean time she nannies and baby sits and subs. My brother is now attempting to sever all ties with my parents because a lot of shit happened very very recently and he is super fucking pissed at them. And then there is me. I'm unemployed. I'm living in my parent's house at age 25. I have plenty of days where the way they constantly degrade me makes me just want to die. And honestly the biggest thing that keeps me alive is how I'd be even more of a disappointment if I did up and killed myself because then I'd just be a coward who took the easy way out. And they act like our poverty is all my fault. Of course when you look at the numbers may the very fact that I was born is the reason they're poor. I mean let's face it. A third child really drives up the prices. You need diapers for the baby, and that's expensive. Means more food needs to be on the table. Means more water gets used, more electricity gets used, and means more medical bills too! And it's not like they even wanted me in the first place. They wanted to stop after 2 children. My dad was going to have the surgery so that he would be infertile after my brother was born but for some reason that didn't happen and hey, there I was! Oh, and the car accident wouldn't have happened if they hadn't been taking me to piano lessons. That's the real kicker. Yeah. Everything is all my fault based on all that math. But then maybe, just maybe they could have not put all their faith in the fact that the third child was going to take care of them all their lives. Maybe the reason I failed college and pretty much ran away from home when I moved out of state to begin with was the fact that they had put so much pressure on me all my life to be perfect. Maybe I shouldn't have been their fall back plan.