Told my husband

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Danialla, Oct 21, 2014.

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  1. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    I told my husband that I am going to commit suicide. I told him he would be much better off. My insurance, pension, and lack of by medical bills will be a tremendous help for him. He of course told me not to talk about it, but I really feel at peace with the idea of ending it all. I won't do it until after Christmas because I have a lot of obligations at work. I will miss my grandchildren and family greatly, but have planned everything to look accidental. I have planned how, when, and know why. It is strangely comforting. Now I can go ahead in peace and not think about the what ifs in my life. I have been doing ECT for awhile and it has help A LOT. But life just keeps one step ahead of me. I am too tired to try to keep up anymore. My only problem........do I leave a note? I would leave the note hidden in my drawer so they will be no question that my death was accidental until they found it much later. Or do I leave it as it is.......... Frankly, I feel that if I give enough hints so to speak, if my family does suspect they will understand that I was just sick and tired and needed this break.

    Thank you for your input........and remember this is whether I should leave a note, NOT if I should commit suicide. That decision has been made:-(.
     
  2. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi Danialla, I appreciate that your post was about leaving a note but I really hope you don't go through with this. Yes, there are 'ifs' and possibilities in your life but I know one thing for sure, your family who you care so much about and who care so much about you would be devastated. They may understand your pain but struggle to understand their own if you were to leave them. Questions will ruminate in their minds about whether they could have done more or done things differently. I'm not trying to make a good person like yourself feel bad. I just want you to know there are options. ECT has helped and if it has helped you have noticed you can and are getting better. Please seek medical advice or speak to someone you can confide in about this. You're a very important person and you've fought so hard. Don't stop fighting now. Husky
     
  3. Danialla

    Danialla Well-Known Member

    I appreciate your response Husky. You are always a positive influence on this board. Thank you for believing in me when I can't believe in myself. I love my family so much, but am such a burden at times. The only positive was that I held down a job. I am unskilled labor, put my children through college, which I am very proud of, but never went myself. Bottom line........I really hate myself Husky, I wish I could make people understand.
     
  4. Husky

    Husky Well-Known Member

    Hi Danialla, Thank you for your kind response. I can see that you love your family very much and I’m sure you’re so proud of your children. If you ever want to go to college, it’s never too late either. Maybe there are some courses you could enquire about. The colleges will be able to advise you on hours and how to make it work in your life.

    I think people who don’t like themselves are often the ones who are most loved by others. You may look at yourself and think you are one to be despised on the inside, but I’m sure people on the outside don’t see it that way.

    Please keep trying to fight this. Things will get better if you don’t let them get the better of you. The only way to sometimes not let them beat you is to keep fighting. The good times will come. Husky
     
  5. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    No, this thread is not about whether you should leave a note or not. Discussion of plans and planning of suicides is not allowed here. You are welcome to talk about your problems and feelings and and seek support for those- asking for support or advice about and planning your suicide is not.
     
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