Told parents about my suicidal feelings

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by lymeinside, Jan 7, 2007.

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  1. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    It came to that point today. I just could not possibly bear to hold it in for another day, after having yet another pile of shit dropped on me today. I don't know if I could have made it another day.

    I straight up asked my dad: "Are you happy in life?" - I wanted to know if things actually get better. If my dad was happy, I would believe that anyone could achieve happiness. He has not lead a great life, but he has a lot of things that I wish to one day have as well- a nice house, decent kids (I suppose :p) and a hard but secure job.

    To my amazement, he told me quite plainly that he was happy. He seemed sincere. He listed a few simple things that give his life meaning.

    I couldn't hold back any more. It took a ton of deliberation and guts, but I did it. I plainly told him about my feelings. I poured almost everything out. I told him about how I dread life, and don't see it getting better. I told him about how I want to have my own family one day, and my disappointments with myself in making no progress with this at all. How I hated sitting at home doing nothing all day. How I am terrified of becoming the middle age man that lives in his parents basement. How my immense depression is causing me to have "bad thoughts"- he knew what I meant. I told him that I wanted to see a doctor and get onto some medication for depression. I was so terrified before I started talking, but as I got going I just couldn't stop. I laid my pathetic life out, and gave my sincere thoughts on it. I literally felt like I was outside of my body, watching myself talk. It's hard to explain, it felt like I wasn't really there. This was it: my cry for help.

    I just kept talking, and talking. I finally stopped, and felt more tense than I ever had before. How would he react? Did I just make a huge mistake?

    At first he seemed like he was taken aghast that I was actually talking to him about it. I have never, ever bared any of my personal feelings to him like this before. It was then amazing. He was very happy that I felt that I could actually confide in him. I could tell that he didn't exactly understand, but he was trying to. He acted in a way that I only hoped he would: he empathized with me. He wants to help me. I don't believe he has ever hit rock bottom mentally like I have, but he told me he knows what it's like to have bad depression. He doesn't think I should try to get on medication. He thinks that my depression will go away if I start working towards positive things. I'm not so sure about that, but I guess so. He wants to help me push forward.

    He also said something to me about "never set deadlines for yourself". This hit me like a truck, because I have definately been doing that. I don't know exactly what he meant, but it kind of made me feel bad. I think he's talking about the fact that I am in my 20s and have never had a girlfriend. :/

    It felt like sticking a needle into a balloon, it released a ton of pressure that has been building up for over a year now. Relief.

    I don't know where I'm going from here. I feel some relief from my depression, if only for a small time.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 7, 2007
  2. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    That is SOO great! I am so happy for you, and so Proud of you. I know how hard it is to talk to people like this, espiecally your parents.. Thats probably one of the hardest things in life, And the fact that you have done this makes me smile like nothing else =)

    I hope he can keep supporting you and that you can get through this TOGETHER =)

    Take care hun, Im so proud of you x_%
     
  3. Jenny

    Jenny Staff Alumni

    I agree, that is fantastic. It must have taken a lot of courage to tell your dad.. and I'm glad that he was supportive of you. I hope his help continues and that he continues to listen to how you're feeling, etc.

    Please keep us posted on how you are doing, if you want. Again, well done :)

    :hug:
    Jenny x
     
  4. lymeinside

    lymeinside Well-Known Member

    I have a strange calmness now. I don't feel great or happy, but calm. My dad is acting a little strange around me, but I think he's just trying to be comforting. It will be interesting to see where things go from here.

    I'm only 20-ish but I have been feeling that I ruined my life. I'm borderline agoraphobic and rarely leave the house. I have issues just like everyone else here.

    If anyone else is ever in a situation like mine where you just feel like no one will understand your feelings, please at least consider talking about it to someone. It's very hard, and it took a ton of guts to start, but I'm glad I did it.
     
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