Told Someone.

Discussion in 'Strategies for Success' started by mei, Feb 9, 2016.

  1. mei

    mei Active Member

    So, obviously from the title, I told someone that I was having problems.

    Ever since I distanced myself from that person for reasons I don't want to get into right now, I've had some issues with letting people know, you know, these problems. It's been just me for so very long but yesterday I just blurted it out.

    Me and my friend were out finishing some projects for school and by 3 in the afternoon we finished. We went to this coffee shop by the mall and sat at the far back where no one really goes to sit. We were just talking about normal things. She then asked about that person and what happened before. Well, one thing led to another and I felt my eyes start to fill with water. The moment I covered my face I just cried. It was sudden, really sudden. I didn't plan on telling anyone for a long while. She was also shocked, even I was actually. And I told her some of it. Told her that I've been talking to people on the internet and that this, whatever this is, has been happening since I was little. She was really surprised. She said that she'd never expected that this was the problem I've been having (i've been quiet these days) since, and I quote, "I don't look like the type." She was also saddened to know that the me that's always noisy and laughing and stuff at school was just pretend, I did tell her that not all of it was.

    Like anyone, she didn't know what to say, that was okay though. As I was talking I was really conscious though, very, like, if I didn't say the right thing or breathe at the right time she'd think what I always thought this was, just me being an attention-whore, hahaha. I didn't want her to think of me that way, one of the reasons why I act the way I do at school.

    The moment I finished my arms and neck started to shiver like crazy. It was weird but it was still okay. I don't know if she took me seriously or if she just said the things she did because I was in front of her and, well, we're friends. But, I do know that, even though I do regret telling her a bit because I can't stop myself from worrying if she'd tell someone or if she changed the way she sees me (and I work very hard for the impressions people have of me in person), I feel relieved. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about it and saying the words I usually just think to myself is a weight lifter. I don't know till when this would last but, for now, telling someone helped.

    I hope I didn't waste anyone's time reading this.
     
  2. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi, mei. I'm glad you found the courage to share this with your friend. Yes, our feelings of desperation and self-destructiveness can "sometimes" make others uncomfortable; but feeling uncomfortable because we shared our feelings is THEIR problem, now ours. It can be scary to share things when we mostly hide those feelings. I'm glad you feel relieved. I'm not sure what your friend meant by "you don't look the type." There is no "type" - anyone can become depressed. Depression is a very equal opportunities disorder. Perhaps your friend is more used to hearing troubles and sadness from people who are "emo" or who aren't able to put on a good mask in front of them.

    Was she a kind and sensitive listener? From you say, she didn't put you down or belittle you for what you told her.

    Do you have a school counsellor you could talk to? They are a good resource to to go to. And sometimes talking to someone can help us figure out how feel better. Just from a logical perspective, the earlier we open up about things, the sooner we get help/support and begin to resolve things. Keep us posted. I hope you feel better soon, Mei!
     
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  3. mei

    mei Active Member

    Thank you for reading my thread :D Yeah, she was a really good listener. Out of all the people in my class I recently thought that she was the most likely that I'd be okay with telling. I don't think I'd be telling anyone else, I'm still really anxious when it comes to this and people knowing, but I think I'm okay for now. It was getting worse these couple of weeks, probably because junior high's ending and I have so much to do (I tend to chew more than I can swallow in school), but now I've been feeling the way I did before. Sure, I wasn't the poster kid for happy happy or anything but it was easier to cope. It's going back to that - 'easier'. I haven't cried at night for consecutive days now, that's real good. :D