Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Wysteria Blue, Jan 4, 2013.

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  1. Wysteria Blue

    Wysteria Blue Well-Known Member

    I heard this lady giving a TED talk about compassion..and she took a moment to talk about some other words,, one of which was Tolerance. She was saying how Tolerance denotes enduring, forbearance, putting up with something, allowing for deviation….or what really struck me, was the meaning associated with scientific testing. The ability to withstand limits of extreme conditions and still thrive. Of all the stories that I listened to…some heartrending…the words once again to “thrive” or not to thrive... are what drove me over the edge again.

    Who wants to live a life of continually being on the edges of extreme pain and to barely survive?? To not really thrive, just survive? What the F*&^* for?? I am not even thriving. I am just enduring..just existing. I use my behaviours and hide in my cave…just to remain? Is that all that life really is to me any more? I've been holed up for over a week now, my feelings badly hurt and struggling with the bad thoughts all the time...and I just don't think I can take anymore. People only call if they need something from me...

    There's a picture I angel with a homeless person with his head in her lap laying down on a stone wall...she has her hand on his shoulder as she watches out for him as he sleeps. I want that too...
    I'm just so tired and alone. I just want to feel safe for an hour. Just lay my head down in someone's lap and rest...feel connection. Just one hour. It's been years. Can't I just have ONE hour??? Why am I not worth one hour?!
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You hun are worth more then just one hour hugs to you
  3. jnick

    jnick Well-Known Member

    You are worth it, just as much as any of these other creatures walking around. Life comes easily to many, but unfortunately some of us have to struggle and fight for what comes naturally or is dropped into the laps of others. Love yourself if you can, treat yourself the way you would treat a ferrari, not a beat up civic. I struggle myself, so I certainly dont have all the answers, but I do give a shit, and am willing to listen to whatever shoots out of your mind. Joshua
  4. Wysteria Blue

    Wysteria Blue Well-Known Member

    Thank you TE...I don't know...but I wish what you said was true... I do appreciate your kind words. WB
  5. Wysteria Blue

    Wysteria Blue Well-Known Member

    Thanks jnick... I appreciated your comments and for hearing me. Take care of you too. I'll try to be a good ear for you too. WB
  6. jnick

    jnick Well-Known Member

    Yeah no problem, my head is kinda fucked lately, but its nothing new. I hope you can treat ourself well. I used to love myself to the point of being obsessed with myself, and then my OCD went BDD and I scarred my face up a little. Nothing major to others, but to my self image...... my confidence was essentially all I had after a career collapse and lots of other horrible shit, so the world came unhinged, yeah I wont feed you any of that its okay sweetie shit. I do hear ya.
  7. Wysteria that picture with the angel and homeless man , there is truth to the symbolism . If you only knew . . .

    PM me anytime ; I can be there for you .
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 6, 2013
  8. jnick

    jnick Well-Known Member

    The streets are hell. No angels. Just 40's and crack and violence and prostitution and starvation and pigs taking you to jail for "trespassing." The homeless are not even allowed in public areas without being moved along or arrested.
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