In a nutshell, my life has been corrupted from day one, I have had hallucinations of demons my entire life and lived in complete and utter terror and never told anyone until I was 18, which was either that or ending it. When I was younger my fiancee cheated on me twice, got pregnant, and told me it was my fault that she had to abort her daughter. For existing. And now I've lost my best friend who understood what I went through until I became obsessed, emotions that aren't my own but the evil that has been a part of me due to the horrors and darkness I have seen. I had a good day once and simply loved her, but that didn't last, when I have bad nights it's her who gets pushed farther away and now she says whether I'm sick or healthy, she will never have me in her life again. I have lost her forever, yet my obsession stops me letting go. I am very sick, I have psychosis, I have mental health support, I go to church and have further support, I have more support than some people get in their entire lives and yet still this lingers. I have decided for my sake and for my friend's that tomorrow is the last day of my life and this thread has a purpose to it. Know this: You can not change my mind, I am an adult, I have conviction in this, I know the consequences, I have no family to speak of and but one friend whom I have lost. I am scared that I will be unsuccessful and become crippled and kept alive for the rest of my life; it is my largest fear. I need to die, because if my mind is crippled the hallucinations will drive me beyond insanity, and I will destroy myself. If my mind is crippled I will not be able to relay what is happening, and I will spend many years seeing demons; they come into my dreams and they defeat me in my dreams, my face distorts in complete and utter terror, that my soul feels when they appear to me. I will NOT live a day after tomorrow it is my conviction. And I need to know something; if I take <Mod Edit, WildCherry: Methods> will I likely die, or will I become crippled or enter a coma? Will mixing it with alcohol work, if so, which kind? They are pills, do I crush them and dissolve them in, beer, or something? Thank you for your consideration in reading this. I repeat that you can not change my mind, I have witnessed terrors that aren't of this world and are not intended for humans to ever see. I have little sanity left.