Tomorrow morning I will end it all.

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by ~Nobody~, Feb 5, 2007.

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  1. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Tomorrow morning I am going to overdose enough to kill me. I can't bear it anymore.

    I'm waiting 'til tomorrow morning because my boyfriend will be at school and my mum will be at work. It will have enough time to work.

    Fuck everything. I'm done. I give up.

    I came "home" today. It isn't home, it doesn't feel like home. My mum is a spiteful cow. I love her so much it hurts but she hurts me so much I can't take it any more. It's so unfair. I hate everything. It's never going to get better for me. I am beyond help.

    On top of everything else (all the shit with my mum's ex, and all the shit with my mum, and the fact that I had another hour of therapy today and talking about it FUCKS ME UP!!) I found out today that my biological father has moved back into my very local area. I hate him. I don't want any contact with him but I want him to want to have contact with me!

    What the fuck did I do that's so wrong?!! I'm a bad person. I allow bad things to happen and I bring out the worst in others.

    I'm so sorry. I'm sorry to let you all down.

    I love you all so much. And Charles, I'm so so sorry to do this, I feel like I'm letting you down personally seeing as I have talked you out of suicide before. I'm sorry. I'm really really sorry. What can I say? I'm a horrible person. Just keep on fighting hon'. Please. Sixty years, remember?

    You'll all be better off really. Hypocritical though it is I don't want you guys to give up. Please fight it. I'm just completely beyond help myself.

    Goodbye.

    x x x x x
     
  2. Hunneh, I know it seems like your beyond help but think of this, you have friend who care, you have to look past the bad and search for the good. Everyone has it. Life isn't always a dark hole for everyone or everything. Remember people here care for you. If we were anywhere near you or i know if i was i would encourage you to fight through it. Don't give up, No one should ever give up. I know how it feels. It's horrible. But hunneh, hang in there, Take comfort in the words of others and leave the bad things behind, always know that if you need help it's always there, you just have to ask people for it...

    Much love... <3
    xoxoxo
     
  3. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Im so sorry ur feeling so upset, i still wish there was more i could do to get through to u, and hold u above the clouds so u could see that it doesnt have to b this way. I hope our words lift u high enough to see at least a glimmer of hope.
    First of all u need to stop blamming things on urself. Life is never going to b easy for anyone, unfrotunatly for some it is alot harder than others. Sometimes there is no particular reason for this, its just the way things go. But i think ur deep down ur strong enough to handle it. I kno from experience that ur a beautiful person, u have a boyfriend who cares about u aswell. Thats wat i strive for for u have it, dont take it for granted sweetie cause u r lucky!
    If u want to add me to msn to talk my addy is shaz_08@hotmail.com. If u have msn please add me because it woudl really upset me to see such a helpful and caring person end her life, the world needs more beautiful people like u!
    Please hold on hun, but not for anyone else, for u!
    My thoughts r with u xoxo
     
  4. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Guys, I really appreciate the nice things you've said, and thank you Kath for the PM. I have been up all night deliberating over this. As soon as my boyfriend left for school I got all the pills out and together, then I heard coughing from the next room. My little brother is off school sick today.

    I'm just crying and crying now. I had it all planned out. I'm just a total mess.

    I really need people to keep me company today. I'm scared I'll do it anyway and no matter how much I want to die I know that it'd be so wrong to risk having my brother find me or anything. Please post if you feel you can. I don't know whether I can get through this.
     
  5. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    All i can offer u is someone to talk to! Im more than happy to try and help u out in that way...i dont kno what else to say. unfortunatly all u can do is keep holding on...soon u will get some relief, i promise! xoxo
     
  6. Allo..

    Allo.. Well-Known Member

    ~N~, maybe this was a "sign" so to speak.. something to stop you.. to show you that its not the right thing to do or the right time to go.

    How are you doing now? hopefully you have seen through this.. has something happened more to set you off and make you decide its time..?

    take care,
    I'm here if you need someone :hug:

    Ally _%
     
  7. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Hey guys. Thank you for caring.

    I'm still here. I don't really know how, but I am alive at the moment. I'm feeling a little more stable now though. Maybe like I'm on the edge rather than actually dangling off it.

    Just thought I should let you know. And say thanks.

    x
     
  8. Shauna Lea

    Shauna Lea Staff Alumni

    Im so glad to hear that uve made an improvment! Use this as a stepping stone, dont let it go to waste. This is the start of something good. Stay strong and i hope u continue to get better.....best wishes huni!
     
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