Im sick of hurting so bad that it physically hurts. I can't take it. I need to get away. Get away from here. Get away from home. Damn it even get away from this country. But i can't do any of those bloody things. Can't away because of people here. Can't get away from home. Can't get out the country because i got no money. It's hurting daily. So damn bad. I don't know how much i can take. How much i can stick out life. All the crap i told people before ain't gonna hold up. Im gonna fail. Fail the promise i've told people. I know it. I know im gonna attempt very soon. I just know it. I get hurt by some people on here so much and their not even do anything wrong. What they do with there life is their business right. So why does it hurt so blooduy much. I need to do what i was gonna do before. Do things to myself to block the feelings and pain out. Or just vanish like i want to so damn badly. I know someone who felt the same way i do right now and he managed to do it and i want to be able to so damn badly. Im sick of being everyones little get out plan. When someones too difficult to handle just pass it on to me. The thing is i can't so no. Anyone who knows me should know that by now. Some people i spend hours, even days talking to them at one time. No one will ever know how happy that makes me. Makes me feel like i have some purpose in life instead of just being 'here'. Yet it hurts so much when we dont talk at all. I know why thats why i need to self harm over it. To stop myself feeling like this. Eventually i'll associate that feeling with hurt and won't even bother going there again. I been hurt so badly by people here but i can't walk away. I care too damn much to just get up and walk but thats what i need to do but i can't. I just can't. Why did i have to start feeling like this. The one feeling in my life i didn't wanna feel because i've seen it disintegrate before my eyes. Yet it happened. Totally unexpected. Never thought it would happen and not in a situation like that. I knew it, i have done for a long time and then i get proven right, why did it hurt so much? I knew it allready. I could see it right infront of my eyes. Every day. Yet it still hurt and i don't get why. Theres someone i care very deeply for, why can't i feel this for him. I REALLY wish i could. I have strong feelings for him but i don't wanna get into that if this is what it feels like. Right now i see one way out of this. I can't walk away. It would kill me if they walked away. Guess i'll have to make myself walk away permanently. I can't handle it. I seriously can't. I can't take this for one more day! i refuse to. Not another fucking day am i gonna feel like this. Tomorrow i will make it stop, well actually tomorrow is today. So even sooner. Make this fucking feeling stop! i promise you that this is gonna fucking stop! that promise is gonna be broken alot sooner than you think. Im sorry. I truely am.