tonight has proven to me that i'm mentally unstable.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by blephenstoom, Sep 9, 2014.

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  1. blephenstoom

    blephenstoom Member

    i previously voiced some consternation at how years of increasing depression and extensive recreational drug use have finally caught up with me. i previously voiced, to no avail, that i ceased all drug use upon perceiving a few unwelcome changes in my general existence that have frightened me quite effectively out of my wits. i previously voiced that i'm taking all the necessary action necessitated to accurately label my deterioration and to reverse it. tonight, however, i met up with some friends and i discovered for the umpteenth time over the fish out of water that i am. each and every endeavour to smile and have some gentle fun since my initial diagnosis has failed. i work hard, spread joy and earn my wages, which, although Diana Ross would scoff, afford me not only my necessities, but my luxuries. under these favourable conditions have i begun my decline. i don't yet know what i'm investing all this energy for. my friends did all the laughing, and i told them that i had to depart, despite the early hour, because the glass of wine took me a touch too far. i lied, obviously.

    what with my verbose methods of conveyance, i cannot but fail to articulate that i am disheartened, and hold dear to me no desire to be alive anymore.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    I am sorry your night did not turn out how you wanted it to turn out and that you are feeling so mentally unstable and hope you can reach out for support to help you feel stronger
     
  3. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    What is going on in your life that has made you lose joy at all the simple things?
     
  4. Nemo

    Nemo Well-Known Member

    I hope you are safe and haven't acted on your desire to depart. Please let us know how you are feeling today!
    It can be difficult to keep yourself going when you see no improvement, but it is a long battle to recovery and, as I believe most people on here will testify, battling your own brain chemistry can be a life-long issue. However there is hope, and I hope one night being unsuccessful won't sway you to think otherwise. I realise you said 'for the umpteenth time'... how long have you been feeling this way when trying to socialise? This is a fairly common characteristic of depression and anxiety, so I know for a fact it can be treated with medication. It brings you out of the hole and makes you feel more able to smile and mean it. I'm not clear from your post whether you have tested this method of recovery but it may benefit you.
    Also, well done for ceasing all drug use - by that I assume recreational/unprescribed drugs? That is an enviable achievement!
    I hope you keep safe and stay with us, we are here for you :hug:
     
  5. abc

    abc New Member

    Hi.

    You're post read like something I have been thinking recently. There are times I try for the life of me to go out with friends and genuinely have a good time. Many times it seems impossible. I want to smile, and laugh, and joke like everyone else. But something digs, and claws at my being, making it very hard to be happy. I can act happy, and act like all is well. And that's great for keeping my friends, as no one like a party pooper. But it hasn't been so great for me. I mainly posted this to get some things off my chest, but maybe you can read this and know someone else is in the same boat, and still here.
     
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