Tonight the only sound in the house is my brain telling me to find a way out. I am so tired, tired of trying to go on. Tired of pretending that everything is ok. Tired of being alive. On the 18th of this month I turned 38 years old. 24 years of fighting every day to just keep going. How many years do I have to keep going? I laughed when my dr put me on another antidepressant. One of the side effects are "a worsing of suidial thoughts" Like I need any help on that score. I am all alone tonight. Not a sound can I hear. I perfect time to die. I wish I could slit my wrists but I am afraid of the pain. My roommates don't usually leave me alone. Tonight is the first time in a long time no one has been in the house with me. If someone told me an easy way to die I would take it in a heart beat. I have tried twice seriously. The first time I should have died. I took enough pills to kill a horse, obviously I am fatter than a horse. I hurt, I hurt so bad. I want to stop the pain. I want to let go of the responsibility of trying to live. I have messed up my life so bad. On top of everything else I can't think, I can't focus enough to work. my insurance won't pay for a Mental hospital bill. Is there a way out?