Tonight is it and I know for sure...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, Sep 30, 2007.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I've decided tonight is it and it's the truth I'm really sorry,I'm planning to probably go and watch the soccer with my uncle and then I will head over to the bridge and leave I can't do this anymore.:sad:
     
  2. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
  3. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    ace - we haven't met or talked before. why have you decided to leave? stay a while longer.
     
  4. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    Ace, looking through your posting, you seem to find yourself frequently in a bad emotional space - like so many of us who seek help here - and the only exit available for you is contemplating suicide.

    This forum does offer help. People here give freely advice, share their experiences and encourage you to find your own answers to your own questions. You seem to continually follow the same pattern of suicidal tendencies, seemingly without having made any progress. I'm asking you, what have you taken on board from people advising you? What did you find helped you? Why do you continually keep posting and announcing your suicide?

    The danger is that you end up receiving just empty gestures of the 'Don't do it, we love you' variety, addressing only the symptoms but not the cause of your problem. I fear, that you are gaining the reputation of a serial attention seeker and come a time you really need help, it will be of the -well meant, but ultimately empty - 'Stay with us' version. Your suicide announcements will lose any meaning.

    I would like you to think about, why there is the need of announcing your suicide so numerous times ? Have you identified a trigger as to why this is happing so frequently? If it is attention you are craving, where does it come from and why is it not fulfilled?

    Do you need more social interaction, feedback, and validation of your worth ? Where can you get it from other than in the anonymous world of on-line postings?

    I have realized, that I am the only person who ultimately is able to change myself. No one else can do this job for me and that means I have to keep looking for, finding, seeking, trying out what helps and what doesn't. Sure, there are times of stillness and just not wanting to see the monsters outside of my blanket...but I must acknowledge that everything is governed by change.

    All I have to do is making it a change towards being just a tiny bit more content and happy than I was yesterday. Advise, suggestions and offering different angles as the kind people of this forum put forth helps a lot, but for that you have to stop turning in circles of repeating the same questions, getting the same answers, feeling the same frustration of being misunderstood and unloved and.....

    I'd love to hear from you: 'After the soccer, I decided not to kill myself but phoned friends for a chat and some support'
     
  5. liveinhope

    liveinhope Well-Known Member

    please stay we all need each other here:sad::hug::hug::hug:
     
  6. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Dear trip the dark I'm not an attention seeker but I do understand what you're saying and I was relectant to start a new and same thread about wanting to end it all.To be honest I feel stupid in starting that thread,I don't know what to do anymore it's just so hard everything is.My head is going crazy over everything the Ocd non-stop ruminating thoughts,the Bdd constantly being there and giving me hell.:sad:

    All I feel is just depression I can't handle this it makes me feel rotten to bit's,and it's so hard taking on advice I try but for some reason just can't work with it.:sad:
     
  7. tilly

    tilly Member

    You need to lift your mood anyway you can. Put on some upbeat music. Look up a joke website. Send someone an email. Do whatever you have to do. There are ways out of this mood. You just have to look for them. Draw,read, sing, write a letter to someone who needs to be told a thing or two. Let it out. Scream into your pillow till you're exhuasted. Raid the fridge.Go for a run, ring a friend. Just don't give in to it. You be the boss of your head.
     
  8. unspectacular

    unspectacular Member

    A friend of mine jumped off a bridge. He was trying to kill himself. He actually went for it. After he jumped, he found himself in the ICU, after several days in a coma. I know we're all supposed to say "hey don't do it, blah blah blah," but I'm not. I'm just saying that jumping off the bridge might lead to a failed attempt. It'd be wiser to try something else. All in all, I'm hoping that realizing the a bridge is an uncertain way to end it might lead you to stick around a little longer - if only to research more painless, effective ways.
     
  9. Trip the Dark fantastic

    Trip the Dark fantastic Well-Known Member

    ace, there is no reason to be self-defeatist and feel stupid by posting what is currently troubling you. I do the same and so do many more here.

    I am interested in what works for people and what doesn't. As such I would like you to share not only your moments of desperation, but also what has helped you in a specific situation, what steps you took to overcome your crisis...because overcome you do, otherwise one of your announcement would have been your last. Thank the spirits they still are coming....but there is a price to pay as I pointed out in my previous posting.

    So, whether it is OCD or BDD, why not share your experience how you deal with what is successful and helps (and what not). To just jump to announcing your suicide blunts the interest and empathy of people willing to help you.

    There may come a time, you really really need all the support you can get (as I wrote in my previous posting) and the more you have found out about yourself (and shared it) the more people consider you as a 'work in progress' and not as 'the usual ending'. And to keep people interested in whats going on in your life can only be a good thing for those of us suffering..me included..




    .
     
  10. doodstone

    doodstone Member

    Tilly, that is a really good post - it is sometimes a mammoth struggle to do anything when u are at ur lowest but i know when i put the dance music station on the radio, if it doesnt make me feel great, it does lift me a little. Also, finally finding the strength to confide in what i am going thru with my friends has helped too.
     
  11. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm trying to keep busy at the moment I'm at my local libray but I feel really empty,I just had an appointment at the hospital for a review and that my ECT was going to be changed from unilateral to bilateral.I had a friend who I hadn't had contact for a while and he contacted me yesterday to see if he could borrow money off me.

    I have let this get to me because I feel why do some people only contact you when they need something,my ocd is making me go over and over this and get upset about the past also I just can't seem to help it.:sad:
     
  12. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    have you had ECT before ace? if so, what's it like?
     
  13. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yep I've had it before many a times it's ok actually only you get a slight headache after it but it doesn't bother me at all.You get whizzed off to sleep quite quickly then bang you're awake within a matter of minute's,it has a pretty quick affect on me in the past but this time it just hasn't helped as much.So I'm hoping the new treatment will be more effective.

    I'm told it has been proven to be effective to people who haven't responded with the unilateral treatment of ECT.
     
  14. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    woahh...let me know how things go alright?
     
  15. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yeah I sure will:smile:,I actually like being knocked off to sleep so quickly it feel's great.:tongue:
     
  16. incognito

    incognito Well-Known Member

    is that general anesthesia you're talking about?
     
  17. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Yep general it is.:smile:
     
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