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Tonight is probably the night.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by iKarma, Jun 4, 2009.

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  1. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    I just want to say, tonight I will probably kill myself. I can't let the hallucinations take contrl over me. I can feel it happening. I just want to say you guys were very helpful. :cry:
  2. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    please please dont go...give it some time, there is hope there really is.
    I don't know you but have seen your posts and know you are a good person.
    Please talk it out and hang in there.
  3. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Please don't leave! We are here, and there is hope :hug:
  4. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    I just don't want to live. Nothing I am doing works. I am going to see a psychiatrist on the Friday, but she is going to section me. Going to the hospital makes things worse, I will most likely run away from the office. The hallucinations are getting worse. It has been 6 years of hearing voices, 6 years of cutting, and 6 years to late of wanting to die. There is nothing left here for me. I will write my math test in 30 minutes, go home, and die.
  5. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    Please don't...why don't you check back with us after Math and talk about it....you have hope on Friday....the answer is just around the corner and we will help you get there.
    Please come back and talk with us.
  6. evilperson

    evilperson Well-Known Member

    DO NOT DIE! Because........

    One day there may be a cure.
    One day you may be victorious.

    In the darkest of nights, don't give up. If you're going through hell, keep going. Maybe modern medicine isn't helping you? Try something else. You're already going through hell - try a bit more and maybe there's a way out of it. Please. Pretty please. This is not a plea, it is an order.
  7. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    I don't know what else to try... Medication is the best for paranoid schizophrenics. It isn't working. I am terrified that I am going to get sectioned, they will hurt me in there. I will hurt myself in there. I just don't have anywhere to turn.
  8. Neverhappyalwayssad

    Neverhappyalwayssad Well-Known Member

    Well I hope you find a way out of this horrible place your in. I can't really offer advice, but I do hope maybe you can change your mind and find your place in this world.
  9. evilperson

    evilperson Well-Known Member

    True. Are there different sorts of medication/different sorts of therapy you could try? Unfortuantely I don't know much about schizophrenia. Why do you think they are going to hurt you when they take you inside?

    I know it's hard to remember the good times that were, but in your life, even if you can't remember right now, there was at least good MOMENT in there. This, too, shall pass, even if those moments are few and far between. Maybe you'll find what's right for you. Who is supporting you through your illness? Sometimes it's good to have somebody on your side.

    Well, I'm on your side even though I'm far away and behind a screen :).

    Hold on. Please hold on.
  10. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi iKarma,

    I hope you didnt cause any harm to yourself.
    Have you told your doctor/psychiatrist that your medication isn't helping? Don't give up, there is help :hug:

    PM me if you need to talk.
  11. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    Please, iKarma! Don't kill yourself! just stay here and talk it out! We're here for you! There is always hope!
  12. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    I have decided to wait until my Psychiatrist appoint on June 5th. I have two options that will happen.

    1) I am not forced into the hospital, and I live.
    2) I am forced into the hospital, and I die.
  13. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    I hope your very best.
  14. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    1.5 Hours until I see my psychiatrist, which determines what happens. I have everything in order. Thanks for the help everyone.
  15. Animosity

    Animosity Forum & Chat Buddy

    Good Luck iKarma. I hope you don't do anything. :(
  16. Little_me

    Little_me Well-Known Member

    Good luck... But please don't hurt yourself :cry: you have a lot in this world waiting for you
  17. iKarma

    iKarma Well-Known Member

    Well, I saw my psychiatrist today. I was given new meds. I am on Respiridal and Trazodone. I am being set up with a personal psych nurse asap. I must call my psychiatrist on Saturday or Sunday, or she will have the cops come and find me. I have been given medication to last 2 weeks, so I can't OD. I was given a risk assesment and am Considered Very High to kill myself, and about medium to harm others. (Paranoid Schizophrenia sucks). I will keep an open mind as to what I do, but I really don't want to go on.
  18. Bambi

    Bambi Well-Known Member

    So glad your still with us...the meds take time which suck but I think that is a large part of our deal...waiting it out, hanging on till things shift for the better....stay here and post so we can support you..you don't have to go it alone.
  19. mortdesinos

    mortdesinos Well-Known Member

    Please take everyone's thoughtful advice, and keep fighting!! It seems like the appointment went relatively well, considering what was going through your mind beforehand.

  20. mdmefontaine

    mdmefontaine Antiquities Friend

    i am glad you are still here with us.

    i think you should give this situation some time. time to allow the new meds to kick in.

    please lean on us , until you are stronger. as always, pm if you want to talk.
    we care what happens to you xxx :console:
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