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Tonight is the night.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by rhoderider, Nov 23, 2014.

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  1. rhoderider

    rhoderider Member

    I've been through hell, suffering from anxiety, depression, ocd, chronic fatigue, arthritis, osteoporosis, chronic back and knee pain for years. But the biggest issue is I'm 54 and have a 20 year old son who is estranged from me 2 years ago. I haven't seen any family member in 2 years also and am ostracized from every member of my family. I have always been a good father maybe too good. Now I sit here alone and no one cares if I'm dead or alive. I have my plan all set and it is 100% guaranteed.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 23, 2014
  2. Lifeisagift

    Lifeisagift Well-Known Member

    The only plan that you should make is how to join your family.
    I'm sorry for what you're going through but don't let this kill you, don't give up. I'm sure there are caring people around you, we don't know each others but i don't want you to kill yourself. I just saw that it's your first post here, so first of all welcome on board sir, i really hope that you will use this forum and also the chat to express everything that is on your heart.
    You're not alone.
  3. rhoderider

    rhoderider Member

    Thanks for you reply. I'm also Celiac and it costs me twice as much for food. There are other issues also. I am on disability for many reasons. And also broke. This is not a spur of the moment decision. I almost did it on my sons birthday but felt guilty that I might ruin all his birthdays. I find satisfaction in ruining everyones Thanksgivings for life.
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know someone cares. Is there any way you can reach out to a member of your family, try to reconnect?
  5. rhoderider

    rhoderider Member

    Not a chance, they are all narcissists.
  6. snogo

    snogo Well-Known Member

    Hi rhoderider, I see that it's been really tough for you, hanging on while facing those issues. Continue to post here to share with us. We will be listening.
  7. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    It would really be too bad if you decide to go through with it and and throw away the years of being a good father and confirm all the ideas of why you should be ostracized from your family. I am a little surprised at 54 you do not see how short of a time 2 years is and at the late teen and early 20 years is not even particularly strange to have a strained relationship with a son. As he gets a little older and gains some clearly needed maturity if you are still there holding the course you will not only have the opportunity to regain contact and relationship, but also respect.
  8. rhoderider

    rhoderider Member

    I appreciate your reply. I know there are people worse off than me but I just can't deal with the mental and physical pain any longer. You think 2 years is a short time but when it is from 18 to 20 that is an important time in a kids life, actually I'm surprised you don't realize that. And any period in your child's life is major in my opinion.
  9. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Sorry to see you suffering but please do not do anything as you are important. Please take care and keep posting for support you deserve.
  10. rhoderider

    rhoderider Member

    <Mod edit: timeline> I do like to hear from people, I'll be listening a couple more hours.
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 24, 2014
  11. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Really hope you'll continue talking and possibly change your mind. I went through a year and a half of not speaking to my dad when I was about your son's age. Now we're closer, and looking back on that time, I realize how immature and stubborn I was being. But I know that if I'd lost my dad in that time, the feelings of guilt I'd be left with would be an absolute nightmare. I hope you give your son time to mature, to realize how important it is for him to maintain a relationship with you. That realization won't happen overnight, but I'm proof it can happen, and the relationship can be mended.
  12. Bart

    Bart Banned Member

    Your son still needs you. Maybe not today, but there will be many days ahead when you will return to being much needed by him.
  13. Chloeinoz

    Chloeinoz Banned Member

    I understand your pain I've been living with fibromyalgia for 7 years depression 15 and at the age of 25 I was in a wheelchair for a year. I also understand family estrangement I haven't talked to my sister for 10 years. It makes me sad you're estranged from your son what happened to cause that ?
    Would it be possible for you to put your suicide off for 1
    More night? What harm could it do! Chloe
  14. JmpMster

    JmpMster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    I actually realize it very clearly having 4 children and know that girls from 16-18 and boys 18-22 are very typically very stand offish to parents as that is the time they are learning to be adults and think they are smarter than everybody else in the world - particularly parents. Since it is the typical age for issues with all children then I will stick to the point that 2 years is pretty short and hope you stick around long enough to get some experience in that as well.
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