Tonight maybe

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by ace, May 14, 2011.

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  1. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    I'm having the strong thoughts of ending it tonight again if possible and hopefully so if I can,I can't take this hell anymore I really can't and the comfort of going is ever so warm for me.
     
  2. Jackie's Strength

    Jackie's Strength Staff Alumni

    Please don't. Try to distract and/or soothe yourself (e.g., take a warm bath, eat something you enjoy). Go to sleep if you need to. If none of that works, or if you prefer, talk to someone you trust, or call a crisis line. Having the opportunity to vent your feelings can be very helpful. Go to the hospital if you need to, but please stay safe. I know it seems right now like things will never get better - but that is the depression talking. There is hope. Please get yourself some help if you are not already receiving it. And if you are, talk to your therapist about your feelings. Try medication if you haven't already, or change your meds if necessary. I always tell myself that we only have one life to live, so why not make the best of it?

    You can do this!
     
  3. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Ace, Go to the ER or A&E.. They will keep you safe..Give yourself some peace of mind by going..You have strong ties to this forum.. You also have friends here who would take it pretty hard if you did something rash.. Are you takeing your meds?? Maybe it's time to change them.. Take Care!!
     
  4. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thank you JS&Joseph for your warm replies they're very much appreciated,I am taking my meds but I think they're quite useless.Been doing everything I'm supposed to or have tried to as well.Nothing is helping I don't know what to do anymore I really don't I'm just so sad badly.The thought's of ending it are so overwhelming now,I don't want to hurt anyone but it's so hard to keep going any longer.Thank you both for showing interest in me it really means alot.
     
  5. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    ((((hugs))))

    I agree, go to A&E - please

    Let me know if you want to talk.
     
  6. IV2010

    IV2010 Well-Known Member

    totally agree with Joseph..
    we don't want to lose you *hug*
     
  7. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thank you for your warm responses they do mean alot to me,I got through last night but now tonight is what I'm focusing to go on.It's so hard I can't do this anymore leaving is the best thing I know it is.
     
  8. MoAnamCara

    MoAnamCara SF Artist

    Leaving is not the only answer, even though at times to us it feels like it is.

    It is so hard to struggle on day after day, I know this. But I hope for myself in time that it'll get better - and most of the time it eventually does. Its so hard to fight through that crap time though, when all is just too much and we can't cope.

    Its so tempting as a way to get rid of the pain but that pain is transferred then to our friends/family etc. I lost someone near and dear to me who took their own life, I still cannot forgive myself for their action and choice. I feel it is my fault.

    Please seek help, go to A&E or call your emergency services. Please don't hurt yourself.
     
  9. peacelovingguy

    peacelovingguy Well-Known Member

    You 'think' you know it is the best thing Ace - but how many thousands of times have you thought the other way and had something to live for ?

    These meds, maybe coming off some might be the best thing. I see people kind of drawn in with using one med - then another perhaps to sleep, or be awake - then more meds for side effects caused by the meds.

    I think camping for a weekend with some weed and whiskey by the camp-fire might do me better, I really do! But not all the time obviously.

    But some meds do help - and millions of people look back on their suicide periods as 'new' people almost, only they are just the same but without those negative thoughts spinning around out of control.

    I've been in the wilderness that comes with depression - endless days, empty nights - me and myself or me and the Enemy. In some ways the Enemy is me - those parts of me that would be otherwise just memories stored away or feelings not allowed to gain any muscle - such as self loathing, lack of ambition, even the lack of desire for love itself.

    Depression gradually reduces our own self defences to nothing - and there comes a point were a person might well have the two paths to take, to the emergency room of the hospital - or towards the end of everything in this world.

    Part of you wants to live - and in the process of dying or being near death, that part of you overcomes everything else when you are young, fit and not comatose after some illness in a hospital.

    What happens if you 'jump' and realise as you fall that you've discovered reasons to live?

    Worse still surviving but being on 24 hr care, unable to move or something.

    The hospital is like a small death - just letting go and being cared for by others - taking the meds and just using that time - that is something Ace. You can stay there - and when you come out apply for some help - like I always tell you! Not sure what benefits you are getting but its possible to get a decent amount, enough to pay the bills and eat well. Plus if you were well - you have the option of odd jobs and so on, maybe get a car fixed up and a man with wheels, why, that man is going somewhere!

    Stay with us Ace - your a good man and although you are cynical about meds and counselling, its a fact that your in about as bad a state as I've seen you brother. That hurts me also - I don't like seeing you down, I know that you could be a friend to a lot of people and that good things CAN happen to you. Love, a bit of extra cash, work, maybe just feeling good and walking in that green.

    Hope you choose the help Ace.

    your bro and brother in pharms in England, peacelovingguy

    Prayers also.
     
  10. ace

    ace Well-Known Member

    Thank you both for your replies I'm really struggling here tonight,it means alot what you two have written trust me.Don't get me wrong I'm not against Meds and Counselling and or Therapy as I've been having it for years.If anything I blame myself more for anything than anything else.I'm following everything you're saying I've tried today to be more positive but it's not seeming to work at all.

    These conditions are killing me and have killed me badly,like I said I've had that much Therapy down the years and Meds and everything else.I'm not going to go on and on about things I'm sure everyone has heard it all before.I don't know about about hospital either,I don't know if I'm going to get through the night it's very scary and holding on will be very tough I'm not so sure this time honestly,but thank you dearly for your replies they do mean so much.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2011
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