Tonight

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Auerbach, Jan 3, 2015.

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  1. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I wish I could kill myself tonight. The urge is so strong. I am only staying alive because of my mother. She is the only one who cares and loves me. I am only living for her and have been for a while. I can't kill myself tonight so i guess that means back to slicing my body up some more, since I am such a piece of shit.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    It is good you care so much about your mother you are not a piece of shit you are a person with compassion and care and you deserve that care back
    Instead of harming yourself do something in opposite direction do something good for you ok be kind to YOU
     
  3. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks. She is the only one who loves me and cares for me. Besides my mother I do not know what love is or what it feels like, I do not feel it for anyone nor do i feel it from anyone. I feel totally empty, no ambition, no goals, just rage and isolation. I feel so worthless, like everyone is better than me. So I cut and cut and sit here with this hopelessness and desperation, trying to find love, hope, or truth in anything but everything is black and opaque, a miserable existence that does not mean anything.
     
  4. turryburry

    turryburry Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're cutting. Perhaps posting in the chatroom would be a benefit?
     
  5. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    I feel so much despair.
     
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Do you have other family besides your mom?
     
  7. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    No, not that I am close with.
     
  8. ub3

    ub3 Banned Member

    I just want to reach out to you and inform you that I hear your pain and that you are not alone in your suffering. Well done for being honest about your truth. That is the 1st step in discovering a positive solution. I wish you a blessed new year full of change.
     
  9. Auerbach

    Auerbach Well-Known Member

    Thanks.
     
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