Tonight...

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Forlornspirit, Sep 27, 2007.

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  1. Forlornspirit

    Forlornspirit Well-Known Member

    I found something, and it triggered me... So horrible, I didn't think it could happen. And then I talked to someone... And they triggered me, worse than I could ever imagine. I told them about a night I attempted, (it was them, but I didn't tell them, of course).

    I went into the shower, and I sliced, I sliced, again and again. I endulged in every habbit I know. Smoking, drinking, screaming, crying, cutting, punching, more and more.

    What has happened? I keep bleeding, it won't stop. I keep smoking, I'm on my 3rd pack in the past hour. Drinking, I'm on my 3 bottle of rum. Crying, I'm dry, literally, I have nothing left. Screaming, I lost my voice...

    My god, help me. I've heard the stories of the 'true love', I've seen it. I've seen the miraculous life turn-arounds for the good. I want that. Why? Why can't I get that? I'm 16, and yet I want everything people have waited their entire life for, is that wrong of me?

    Stop it, the bleeding, the voices, the memories, make it all end. God, why was I blessed with this life? You say life is a gift, what kind of sick gift is this? I can remember everything, it's too much. The blood, it pours so fast. I can't stop it.

    WHY??? Please, get this out of my head. I BEG! Finally, I'm on what's left of my knees for you. I want to be saved, but what life is this to be saved? I have nothing. I've lost it.

    Please, how could this happen? A week ago, it was all so nice... It was a good feeling. Instead, I go through this... This cruicible! I don't want to fail, but I can't pass!

    I beg of you, if there is a god, take this pain away. Take these memories away. I asked you to make me live with my scars and never forget the past. BUT, I don't want them! Take them away!

    Please... I don't want this. I want so much more. I realize I can't always get what I want, but just this one time? Bless me with a second chance at life. I don't want to die, but it's so hard to live.

    I can hear the shots of the night, the screams of Brittany, the cries of the others. I can feel the cold of death, and the lifelessness of life itself. End the pain, I beg of you.

    Please, I ask, I beg, I just wish for this one thing. The fresh mind, that's all I ask for. Cleanse it and I'll stay.






    I'm sorry, this is a ramble, I ask you not to judge me if you are reading this. I apologize if I've upset you. I just would like this to end, it's too much for me, the weak me, to take...
     
  2. Spearmint

    Spearmint Well-Known Member

    :hug::hug:
     
  3. Rukia

    Rukia Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
  4. Blackness

    Blackness Guest

    oh honey :hug:
    I'll save you, I'll listen, I'll help you.
    It's just a thing thats happened, when you're not triggered things will be better, you'll think more clearly, stay strong :)
     
  5. Forlornspirit

    Forlornspirit Well-Known Member

    I went to the hospital, and stated that I had slipped in the shower and fell on a sharp piece of metal that has been sticking out of it for some time. They took it, thank god.

    I think you for all of your words and wisdom. And to the people on chat, thanks a ton for the help! :)

    :hug: to all of you!
     
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