I've been thinking about it off & on for a few months but I think tonight is the night. I've alienated all of my friends, quit school and my job because I'm afraid to leave my apartment unless I have to. Gotten so far in debt that I'm being a drain on my parents. I'm 26 years old and constantly make the wrong decisions. I don't wanna do it but I'm scared to death and miserable all the time. I've tried therapy and meds but nothing works. I feel like a whiny b*tch complaining; I mean, hell, everyone has their problems. I know if I do something that it's really gonna hurt my family, but I keep feeling that they'd be better off.
Hello brituc1,
First your family would not be "better of" without you, i am sure they love you and want you, we also want you. Additionally we here won't "better of" with you, i personally consider it very positive that you take a few moments to come to this forum and register and post your feelings and thoughts.
You say that you constantly take wrong decisions, we all take both wrong and right decisions, this is normal and part of life as no one of us is perfect. I may take a wrong decision and then i may regret taking that decision, this is absolutely normal.
Regarding medication, from past experience i know that not all medicine will work with all people, having said this you will find at least one medicine that will help you, try going to a new psychiatrist if possible and see what he/she thinks.
You also therapy doesn't work, from past experience again i know that you need to find the correct therapist - you won't be able to get help from any therapist - you need to feel you can trust your therapist, you need to feel accepted from your therapist - both are very important. I would recommend you search for a new therapist that you think you match.
I don't wanna do it but I'm scared to death and miserable all the time.
I want you to hold onto what you have said here.
Suicide is not something that we choose; suicidal thoughts is caused by what happened, the important thing to remember is that whatever happened it can be dealt with. It might sound easy to say and difficult to get it done, I understand this feeling but believe me it's not as hard as you think it is.