Well thats funny. Right now when I opened this window Ive felt the first twinge of reluctance all day. But any how. Couldnt work today just sat there. And whilst I was sitting there, towards the end of the day I felt a great sense of numbness when it became clear that all doors were now closed to my recovery. Not numbness in a bad way. Just everything became a lot clearer and the simplest of decisions became easier. See normally I would feel incredibly guilty about leaving work early or something like that. Not today. Marched right out of there. Went to the store and bought all the right stuff (no point mentioning it -just get deleted). Hardest part was getting the hose - had to sneak around in the dark and cut a length. Packed all these in a bag and then into the car. Also taking the pills as back up. Theres a nice forresty area about 10mins drive away that wont have much traffic. I feel no need to contact anyone or write a note - something I always thought Id do if it got this far. I do think I might fuck it up, or chicken out. Its possible. If that happend ill be back I guess. See ya