Too Dependant on Therapist?

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by VCircle, Dec 8, 2010.

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  1. VCircle

    VCircle Active Member


    We have a family T that we have had for 6 years and she has helped with our kid's problems - she isn't a T for relationships or Depression or adults - just for kids. Anyway we have had a long association and I guess a friendship. I see her once a month and take 1 of my kids at the same time. In the weeks between, her and I have an ongoing email relationship.

    My current depression bout was happening and I didnt know it - I cried when i saw her once and then I realised that my mental health was worse than I realised (I rarely cry and never with her). Anyway - over the past 8 weeks we have emailed each other every couple of days - she checks in on me and she supports / helps me.

    I think I am too dependent on her. I think of her a lot - she is my conscience in a way and before I do stupid things I think of what she would say etc. I am finding that I check my emails many times a day just in case she has emailed me. I also don't want to be a burden to her. I also don't want her rejection if things go wrong.

    I told her right up front that I dont trust people, dont open up to anyone and that I will try to push her away when things get tough and will try and sabotage the relationship. She has still supported me thru this.

    She has helped me so much. But - she isn't a close friend, isn't exactly a therapist either. And she hasn't got the qualifications to get me out of this.
    I have also seen a 'proper' T from her practice a couple of times, but I don't think she is the right T for me.

    Have you felt like this / had this happen to you? Is it an obsession of mine now and gives me some control?

    At the moment I am trying to "wean" myself off her. But jesus - it is coming at a cost to me. I really need her.

    Any words of wisdom?
  2. Confusticated

    Confusticated Well-Known Member

    If she's willing to help you out, then there's no reason for you to not take the help. She specialises in child therapy, but to get there you still need to be able to give general therapy, I've looked up all the courses because this is the direction I was going in with my career. Also I find a friend on here is much better than talking to a therapist. If she's helping you, then carry on getting the help, is my opinion. However, I noticed you said you're feeling dependent on her. This isn't good for either of you, and can only end up badly. It's likely other people have been dependent on her before, so maybe, and you should probably wait to see what others say first, but maybe tell her that you think you might be too dependent, and see what she says. I don't know, it could go either way if you do that which is why I said wait for other responses first.

    My PM box is always open to you. Oh and also, if the other therapist you're seeing isn't working, you should switch to another. Not every therapist will work for every person and personality. You need to find the one that works best with you. This can take some time but it'll be worth it.
  3. VCircle

    VCircle Active Member

    Well, I told her I felt I was becoming dependant on her and her next email was a bit of a lecture, which pissed me right off. I think I told her so I would sabotage the relationship - which I knew I would do.

    Anyway it turned out positive. I went to a doctor, got a prescription for antidepressants and sleeping tablets and have started the antid's.

    I had been waiting for god-knows-what and was avoiding going to a doctor. I did it and cried for hours afterwards as it felt like such a huge step backwards.

    I really didn't like my friend giving me a big lecture - so in the end I forced it to happen.

    Now I am dealing with side effects but they are ok. I got the help I needed.
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