Ever since the day I tried to kill myself, I never changed how I felt about myself. In all my 19 years of living, I truly changed. Everything in life just repeats, and it gets so old. I was always a huge nerd. Not the kind of nerd that just knows a lot about video games and stuff, I mean a real nerd. We're talking about someone who knows how to 3D model, program, photoshop, animate, video edit, and everything else you can think of. I always thought, "Yeah, I'm a nerd, and I may not be so attractive in High School, but in the future I'm gonna have a hot wife and a good future!" I have no clue what made me think that, because I've grown up and realized that things don't always happen like that. The problem is, I'm too different, regardless of what anyone else says. Even after I was forced in that psych hospital, I still thought that it would be better if those pills killed me. So I don't regret trying to kill myself. My parents always try to toss in cheesy compliments like, "See that girl on TV there, you could marry a woman like that." Thanks parents, but you're dumb, and I'm not "get married" material. Some people are just different, and don't get married, and I'm one of them. Here I am, in a very high-level college, and my heart feels so empty. I find life just boring and pointless. Love, the biggest issue for me. It seems like everyone in the world can get a love partner at the snap of their fingers, seriously. Every single god damn person I run into just happens to have a boyfriend or girlfriend. Sure, tell me "I'm not confident". I disagree with that statement, but if it's true, I have nothing to be confident about. I like how the world has this little theme about, "If you're a rich guy with a Mercedes in your garage, you're gonna get a woman! Although, if you don't, then... uh.. Yeah..." I don't want to say I'm not confident at all, but I could have more. I just have bad luck with the females, no questions asked. My face ain't that great, my personality ain't that great, and I'm not some stereotype every fucking girl lusts for. I can't talk to girls, even when I have 0% fear, I just have nothing to say to them. I'm just... Too different. Personally, I think my gain into that advanced college was an accident, because I wasn't accepted the first time. I don't belong there, or anywhere. I can't do anything right, I'm 19 and I still don't have a damn driver's license, I make way too many mistakes while driving. Just today, I almost killed me and my mom; I almost got both of us pummeled by a bus. Being dumb sucks. All I hear at home is my dad's big ass mouth, reminding me of all my flaws every damn day. Everything in life has to mock me. Every girl I meet begins to hate before she even knows who I am, yet my best friend gets a fucking cute Canadian girl to fly over here and visit him? What the fuck?! I'm losing it, I'm gonna do something, I don't know what, but something. And this time, my parents won't have the time to drive me to the hospital. God, you are the dumbest, make people who want to be alive. Dad, you waste so money on a psychiatrist that does nothing. You dumb fuck. There will come a day where I'll pass, and I will miss the ones who were good to me, but as for everyone else, die. I curse my existence, I spit at the day I was born. Mom and dad, you fucked up. In fact, you fucked, and gave birth to a fuck up... How ironic. I'm gonna snap, what's the point? Next time I try to kill myself, I'll make it instant, and I'll make the image very graphic, so it haunts those who see it, forever.