Too embarrassed to kill myself

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by why0721, Aug 16, 2010.

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  1. why0721

    why0721 New Member

    I joined this site because i wanted to know if anyone else has had these kind of thoughts.

    Every morning I don't want to get or get out of bed. I would like to just swallow a hand full of pills and bottle of wine and drift off peacefully. The only reason i haven't yet is from sheer embarrassment.

    I'll be embarrassed because my parents are always bragging about me and to most people it seems like my life is perfect. Then they'll have to admit and everyone would know that i'm depressed.

    I'm embarrassed to have my filthy apt broken into by the paramedics & having cops raid my personal things. Because of my depression my apt looks like the aftermath of an erathquake-everything is scattered all over the ground. I don't want people gawking at the condition its in or reading the pathetic crap on my laptop.

    I'm embarrassed because all the people i hate will gloat about the fact that i wasnt as perfect as i made it seem. The people who wanted me to faill will be happy because i have.

    Now my daily thoughts haven't changed from suicide but have moved to how i would accomplish it without all of this. Like I would like to have it be a mystery where i am or what happened to me or only have my parents know. Or have everyone think it was an accident or something. Now I think I'm even nuttier for these thoughts being paramount in my mind. It seems like if your contemplating suicide embarrassment would be furthest from your mind.

    Does this sound completely insane to everyone else or is it pretty normal?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sounds normal to me hated the cops breaking in talking abt things amongst each other hated the whispers the judgement in their eyes Don't let this happen okay don't let them look down on you they have to right to judge nor say anything YOU are just as IMPORTANT as all of them they in your shoes would probably not function well either. Get help for you okay YOU are so worth it you are important please get some help for your depression to get yourself feeling better try new meds new therapy get out of the rut your in okay show them all
  3. flowingriver

    flowingriver Well-Known Member

    Why0721, Just about everybody gets depressed at times. Just about everybody wears a mask on the outside. You are just like millions of people out there. Though you don't feel that right now. Get some help. Talk to a therapist. Don't keep this to yourself. You have a lot to live for. And soon, you will feel better. Call a therapist right now or if it's urgent call 911 for help. This feeling will pass away.
    Life will get better, and you will get out of this pain. Be good to yourself.
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