You know I have heard that some people say High Maintenance means high quality. However, I am sorry to say that cannot be true. For christ's sake I work hard to for several weeks to even gain one inch of hope. Then all of the sudden one day something happens and I fall back one yard and the falling does not stop. I mean it will take me months to just make the falling stop. Then it will take even more time to start climbing again. Maybe i the next thirty years, with not hitches or problems, I could get to the place where I might not be suicidal... maybe.. I actually think it will be more like 50 years. So I am done, I cannot see any reason to keep living. Well I guess the point of this thread is to say I cannot see any reason to keep trying. I mean for christs sake the only time I get any confidence is when I go to the gym. Even then that is.. well I wish I could find an exact number on it. Since I have so very few exercises that I excel in. There is only one where I am even remotely good. I am just giving up. It will take too long to fix me. AS they say there is no reason to fix something that is not worth the effort.