Hi again, Am I just too good at hiding this? When I say this, I'm talking about my Depression, Suicidal tendencies and Psychosis. When I've even thought so selfishly as to tell someone I was feeling Suicidal, they said "if you were really that suicidal you would have killed yourself by now". This comes from the person I thought I was the closest to; I suppose not. Since I've got Aspergers, it makes it all that much harder to express how I feel through facial expressions, so my default expression is good enough to cover whatever I'm thinking at that time. That means that the few times I ever have tried telling people about my problems, they just think I'm screwing around or trying to trick them. I really have no-one I can talk to about this, because on the outside I really do look like the average Joe while on the inside I'm planning to kill myself and thinking about how much I would like to kill anyone else. I'm waiting to get kicked off of this site for admitting these things but this is the last place I can honestly talk about anything anymore. Even now I'm not admitting the deepest things of my soul; if I did then I honestly would get locked up. And no, before you think it, I've not killed anybody or the like in the past. Not that I've wanted to... I sit on my bed at night with a knife to my throat most nights just wanting to finally end it, but always being too much of a wimp to do it. I need professional help but if I tried to admit any of this I would be rejected for "lying". I don't want to find help either, as I've said before I loathe therapy and talking about my feelings to the depths of my very soul; I'm not sure I could deal with that kind of thing happening to me.