It's too late now, I can feel everything going back to the way it was, I am more numb all the time than anytime this past month and a half. Every question is answered with "who cares?" and I am already moving on, my apathy personality is gaining more control. The pain is just too much, I feel outside myself, strangely Apathy is pushing for suicide too, because it is a logical decision? I don't know, everything is so messed up and confused. But I want to push out everything that has happened since August. I just want to be rid of it all, delete it from my mind. I wish I didn't have these people in my head, I'd like to make my own decisions, but I couldn't function without them. I am powerless, everything they do is automatic and I can't stop it, even if I could, would I really want my other dominate personality in control? This is too weird of stuff anyways. We had a day of college prep stuff at school and that is really depressing because I doubt I even can get into a college or do the work required. Nor do I have any idea of what I want to do. I have to live at home for the next 5 years, the college work, choosing a career, I don't know how I am going to do it. And I don't want to do it, it is all going to turn out as a disaster anyways. I want to go to bed tonight and not wake up again. But I know it won't be that easy, nor would I be that lucky. My parents can spend my college fund on my brother. It's too late for anything now, everything is broken. I want to stay home tomorrow and sleep, see if I could stay asleep permanently, thankfully I am not having nightmares right now. In fact I can't even remember my dreams for the last two months, which is very,very unusual.