nothing good is going on in my life. i just looked at a pictureof myself 3 years ago. it just reminded me when i was lookin at myself back then that i wanted things to change back then and i tried to change them. and its been 3 years and im no better than i was stil a depressing sad shitty life. i think i was destined to watch women around me get fucked and have fun with real men and then later on in their life suddenly 'change' and marry me for money, security, taking care of their kids and shit. nothign is going good for me and hasnt been goign good for me for i think my entire life especially since puberty. yes i am moaning and whining and i hve a right to. no matter what women are not respionsive or attracted to me. their bodylanguage is always screaming "get away from me". i no longer feel love for women anymore. i no longer see them as real people anymore. i am just sikc of them. the emotional deprivationj i have gone through has been torturous and i dont know if i can come back from it. even if things suddenly become better tomorrow i dont think it wil change anything anymore, i cant escape the effects of what ive been through. andd ont start satying bs about im being melodramatic. i am a neglected loser and i was never told it would be this way. when the picture was taken, if i had known for sure my efforts would have meant nothing and i would have had to go through another 3 years of depression i would have killed myself. but i didn't because of uncertainty. now i don't even care if things suddenly become better. i am a different person now, a shell of what i used to be.