too long i wantto die

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by bdxd, Feb 22, 2008.

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  1. bdxd

    bdxd Member

    nothing good is going on in my life. i just looked at a pictureof myself 3 years ago. it just reminded me when i was lookin at myself back then that i wanted things to change back then and i tried to change them. and its been 3 years and im no better than i was stil a depressing sad shitty life. i think i was destined to watch women around me get fucked and have fun with real men and then later on in their life suddenly 'change' and marry me for money, security, taking care of their kids and shit. nothign is going good for me and hasnt been goign good for me for i think my entire life especially since puberty. yes i am moaning and whining and i hve a right to. no matter what women are not respionsive or attracted to me. their bodylanguage is always screaming "get away from me". i no longer feel love for women anymore. i no longer see them as real people anymore. i am just sikc of them. the emotional deprivationj i have gone through has been torturous and i dont know if i can come back from it. even if things suddenly become better tomorrow i dont think it wil change anything anymore, i cant escape the effects of what ive been through. andd ont start satying bs about im being melodramatic. i am a neglected loser and i was never told it would be this way.

    when the picture was taken, if i had known for sure my efforts would have meant nothing and i would have had to go through another 3 years of depression i would have killed myself. but i didn't because of uncertainty. now i don't even care if things suddenly become better. i am a different person now, a shell of what i used to be.
     
  2. Dreamer uk

    Dreamer uk Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear things aren't going well for you either.

    I know how lonely it is to be on your own, it is very difficult.

    I'm holding onto a morsel of hope that one day I will somebody and have a loving relationship and feel complete.

    Life has a way of grinding you down, we just have to try to make the best of bad situation, to try to take positive steps.

    Take care
     
  3. Reki

    Reki Well-Known Member

    Hey bdxd, sorry to hear that, rejection is a terrible feeling. Maybe joining a dating site would help your luck with women, if nothing else you could just browse the forums for a little insight into the female mind and it might tell you what is going wrong, or why rather. I know it's easy to become bitter towards the opposite sex, for both men and women, but try to be optimistic even if only from time to time. Becoming good at something is all about trial and error, practice and experience, dating is no exception. I know, you would think that something as simple as finding and being with someone should be easy and unfortunately I don't have an explaination as to why, but it isn't. All the girls and guys out there deserve a fair chance, believe it or not there are some girls in the same boat as you for very similar reasons.
     
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