Too many posts.

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by I'dRather, Jan 11, 2008.

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  1. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    I suppose everyone is tired of my posts now. Every night I feel more and more suicidal. If I had money I'd see a doctor for sleeping pills to help me sleep but then I'd be tempted to use them along with something else. But I have no money for such things.

    Every night I'm haunted by memories and pain. Nightmares. Loneliness. Have no one to talk to. Just bad memories of the way he hurt me. Wish he had changed. Wish he had cared. Wished my whole life had not been one painful experience after another. Seems like everyone I love hurts me in a major way. I feel unlovable. Worthless. Alone! Should have allowed myself to die when I had food poisoning years back. Shouldn't have fought to hang on.

    Life let me go now please! I hate this life. I hate this pain. I hate this loneliness.
  2. Robin

    Robin Guest

    Hey there, just wanted to let you know that I am not tired of your posts. I hope that in some way posting here and getting responses helps with the loneliness, it has helped me and I'd like everyone to feel some measure of that even if they only meet one person that they can click with, it can be nice to reach out and not worry about the fear of being judged even if you have to protect yourself one step further by posting anonymous, it's possible and there to help :hug:
  3. gentlelady

    gentlelady Staff Alumni

    Posting can be a way of healing. You can gain support from others and also get out into the open things that you need to say. I hope you continue to post as long you feel you need or want to do so.
  4. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    I'll never tire of anyones posts. If you are posting, it means there is a chance that someone can still reach you or help you. Post as much as you need to if it helps to rid you of some of the pain or torment. Don't worry about what others might think. You are doing it for you, not the convenience of others. Be strong and keep sharing with the members here.
  5. Drifter

    Drifter Well-Known Member

    I'm not and I dont think anyone else is tired of your posts. Alot of us are going through similar things, I still cant sleep at nights and dread the thought of facing another day. There you go we already have similar things in common:smile:. I'm here if you want to talk to me in private or on the forums.
  6. I'dRather

    I'dRather Guest

    Thank you for being here to listen. That is all I ever wanted was for people to acknowledge the real suffering I was going through. My husband had this way of making minimizes the abuse and making himself out to be the innocent victim and me the abuser so after a while of freidns and family turning against me I just wanted a place where I mattered as much as everyone else and was accepted and trusted.

    Funny, this volunteer non-profit group I am with had promised me this position months ago and it made me feel good. When they finally got around to putting someone in the position they put someone else there without even telling me. I knew it was coming when this person was acting silly about wanting the position in front of me. It hurt so bad because for once I thought someone trusted me and believed in me. Anyway they made this other position for me when they realized. They just figured it was too much for me to handle. I hate be treated like I am not as capable as others. That's the way he treated me. But I always take a job seriously and know how to be professional. I guess they just didn't understand. How can a person know what I can do unless they gave me a try. Now I feel they don't trust me or look down on me in some way even though they gave me this other job. Blah!

    It had been a bit better (no physical abuse) for years but gotten bad again last year and has gotten worse and worse since so it had to end up as this and maybe I was lucky it worked the way it did else it would have hurt too much or else I'd be dead.

    Ugg!! I feel so sick like throwing up!! Stupid pain! Why does it all happen at once??!!
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