I suppose everyone is tired of my posts now. Every night I feel more and more suicidal. If I had money I'd see a doctor for sleeping pills to help me sleep but then I'd be tempted to use them along with something else. But I have no money for such things. Every night I'm haunted by memories and pain. Nightmares. Loneliness. Have no one to talk to. Just bad memories of the way he hurt me. Wish he had changed. Wish he had cared. Wished my whole life had not been one painful experience after another. Seems like everyone I love hurts me in a major way. I feel unlovable. Worthless. Alone! Should have allowed myself to die when I had food poisoning years back. Shouldn't have fought to hang on. Life let me go now please! I hate this life. I hate this pain. I hate this loneliness.