I normally take 2 1mg tab of Ativan when I have a panic attack. Usually can go a month or better without Ativan.Last night I was in a full fledged anxiety state and took 3. After my heart calmed down I was having restless thoughts about suicide and took 2 more tabs. Today, after 8 hours sleep (1 later than I wanted) I am still muddy-headed like I can't think straight and have been tripping on things that are not necessarily in the way. Getting better about not tripping and my head is clearer but all I want to do is take some more and go back to lala land. Where I can sleep and not wake up.But I know what it is like to be addicted to those things but I wish I had something stronger. my issues haven't change but it would be nice to fall asleep and never wake up. This is a rant between a suicide forum rant and a substance abuse struggle.