too much freedom?

Discussion in 'Mental Health Disorders' started by SmilePretty, Dec 8, 2009.

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  1. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    ever since i got to college it has been an incredible struggle for me not to revert back to restricting my calories. no one is here who knows my past, no one eats at exactly the same time, no one cares because they dont know me well enough. Its so hard to eat every meal and to go to the gym a reasonable amount.

    It's sad because i feel so lonely here since no one knows me well enough for me to say that I am actually close to anyone. I dont trust people and its hard for me to realize that out of my friends group I am probably the most mediocre of them all. I cant talk to anyone here and my closest support system is three hours away back home.

    =[ i keep playing with the idea of losing weight... i think i should but i know i shouldnt...
    idk if anyone else has experienced this, but this is one of the hardest things for me to handle here.
  2. Disappear

    Disappear Well-Known Member

    I know myself it's difficult when no one close is around, when I've stayed on my own, I've reverted back into the same kind of things. But like you said you do have a support system, yes they are 3 hours away, but there's phone, skype, emails, IM, many ways to get in touch.
  3. savetoniqht

    savetoniqht Well-Known Member

    It's incredibly hard to stay on track when there's no one monitoring you. I know egen when I feel like I'm in a better place as soon as I stop going to therapy etc. As much eventually it's much harder to stay on track. I'm not at college myself but I can definitely imagine just based on the structure of things how hard it is. What year are you in? I think different things apply based on that, whether it's your freshman year and you're just having trouble transitioning or if you've been there for a while, you know? Maybe try and find one person to spend more time with, someone to confode in. I knkw it's difficult but if somrone else knows what is going on it should help. Also, like Disappear said, you still have your support system even if they're far away. Skype, phones, email... Not the same as being ther but all great inventions. Also, what if you tried to have meals with othe people, which would force you to at least try and eat. Just go to one of your friends and suggest doing lunch or something, then you're not alone and have no excuse, you know? Feel free to PM me if you ever want to talk more about thos. God luck. :hug:
  4. nagisa

    nagisa Staff Alumni

    Oh lord... Yes, at college my ED got really bad. I was managing it okay for years but then when I was pretty much alone, with ulimited amounts of food, it's easy for my ED to re-emerge. I struggled a lot and it only got worse... if they offer counseling at your university I'd try that. Just be careful not to tell them you're suicidal if you are (they will put you in the hospital, and if you're really lucky you'll be sent there the week of finals like me!! (though if you KNOW you're going to harm yourself, you should tell them, but I didn't have a plan, I just felt suicidal)) because I made that mistake and that's what ended up ruining a lot for me. If you need to talk about it, I'm here. I understand your situation very well...
  5. plates

    plates Well-Known Member

    i've been in this situation once before, the second time wasn't too bad.

    try and think about it this way- is the loneliness the key thing that is making you restrict? what do you think would happen if you do go back to restricting /exercising? do you think you'll make friends? or you'll be more confident? or you'll be less lonely? or is the ED a replacement for contact with people?

    i know you might probably know this already but if you do and you gradually lose whatever control or whatever use the ED has for you at this present moment you're
    A going to become very tired, exhausted,
    B, psychologically you'll be consumed with it, you probably know this already,
    C, your performance at university is gonna deterioate cos lack of food really effects how well the brain works

    maybe from what you're saying, what i understand is that you don't have a strong support system at university and the ED is a way of coping/supporting you. but you probably know it can also destoy you too.

    so maybe there are ways of building up your support system at university? maybe it wouldn't be as great as the one you describe 3 hours away but it'd be something. and your support system could be anything- people, things, activities, as well as support internally. what you could do emotionally for yourself to feel supported, so supported the feelings and urges to restrict/exercise don't feel as strong or all consuming.

    i really hope things go well for you. i've been where you are at it's horrible frightening and isolating.
  6. SmilePretty

    SmilePretty Staff Alumni

    idk. its definately my way to cope, to control, to feel.

    i dont want to replace the friends i have at school with my ED but i also cant tell anyone about it because i dont know anyone well enough. so i am battling with my old habits in my new home and i dont know how to handle it.

    it seems like right now, all i want is to be destroyed by it.
  7. KittyGirl

    KittyGirl Well-Known Member

    College is really tough emotionally- don't push yourself too hard.
    One thing I do suggest is to start doing yoga!
    You can do it in your dorm room at any time, and if you don't know how; there are instructional videos on the web that you can watch and go along with.

    Even if you don't lose much weight, I guarantee that you'll start to feel better and it's a good stress reliever that you can do all on your own or at the gym.
    There may be yoga classes that you can attend, too- and meet other people who do it?
    Create a new support system- and they don't need to know everything about your past; only that you'd like to be fit.
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