Everyday I keep feeling worse and worse, even though I have almost everything I ever wanted, I have a great family and great friends. I have so much anxiety, for no reason, all of my stress is piled on my shoulders, everyday I just want to punch everybody for no reason, and I burst into tears for no reason. I try talking to people but I can't because I feel stupid and I don't want my loved ones to worry about me. I've been suicidal for around 3 years now, never completely going through with it. Everyone thinks I'm happy because I put on a happy face for them everyday, but it's just acting. Last month, the day after thanksgiving my grandfather died. I was extremely close to him, he lived across the road from me. It was hard to cope and still is, and two days after that my boyfriend of almost a year, the only guy I have ever actually loved dumped me. I'm still not over him, everytime I think about him I feel like I was stabbed in the heart. You know they say "when you've hit the bottom you can only go up" That seems impossible, my mental pain is a lot bigger than anything I have to cope with it. The only reason I haven't killed myself is because it seems so selfish and I don't want my family to have to suffer through the loss of someone again. Grief is one of the worse feelings ever. In the past when I have attempted to kill myself I didn't think about anyone else, only myself, I just feel like there is nothing to help me and I keep dragging on everyday just wishing it would end. Anybody have any advice for me at all?