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Too much misery

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Fizzy1982, Feb 26, 2018.

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  1. Fizzy1982

    Fizzy1982 Well-Known Member


    I’m back after a long time.
    Still fighting my depression and suicidal thougts.

    After everything i’m going through, i now have to deal with other family problems.
    2 weeks ago, i heard that my aunt had a brain tumor, they operated right away but still, everything is good with her for now.
    Hearing this news brought back all memories i had when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and her battle against this awfull disease. My mom fought against it for 6 years and when she died,... no need to say how i felt at that time
    Everything comes back to me so clearly, like a movie.

    It puts me deeper into a place where i shouldn’t be, surrounded by darkness
    I’m so scared, always keep a light on.
    I’ve cried so much, and i know more tears will follow
    I haven’t left the house in a week, walk around in my pyjamas all day, don’t eat a lot.

    I’m still seeing a psychologist, only time i leave the house to be honest
    I have a doctors appointment tomorrow, my meds will probably be changed again

    I can’t take it anymore, why can’t i have a normal life without all this misery
  2. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Seeing is Believing Forum Pro SF Supporter

    @Fizzy1982 welcome back sorry to see it is under those circumstances hugs your way.

    Having to relive this experience is really a tough one bringing back all of those feelings. Talking about it does help same goes for having the support system in place so you can vent about it. Its a lot for one person to shoulder alone.

    Hugs again

    Take Care
    Fizzy1982 likes this.
  3. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    Dear @Fizzy1982, I am so sorry to hear your news and fully unserstand why you're struggling again. I havent been on SF very long but do know that everyone here will support you and listen. I'm glad you're seeing a doctor. Take time to regain your strength and don't expect too much of yourself so quickly. Always here to listen, sending hugs xx
    DrownedFishOnFire and Fizzy1982 like this.
  4. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi there @Fizzy1982 I am sorry for how you are feeling. I have lost loved ones to cancer so I really do understand and get it.

    This might seem stupidly simple but try get into a better routine for now, leave the house more, cook some meals, do whatever you can to take your mind off things. I know things are hard but when you have a daily routine you will have less time for worrying etc and more things will follow, I am sorry things are so difficult but I am glad to see you back here on the forum opening up to us .. well done :) & best wishes.
    DrownedFishOnFire and Fizzy1982 like this.
  5. j2415

    j2415 Well-Known Member

    Hi- I'm so sorry that you are feeling down.
    My mother passed away 5 years ago due to kidney failure. Just months ago, I learned that my cousin was having the same health condition. It brings back the sadness and the pain. When my mom left us, I cried a lot many times, I started to avoid people and I believe it was part of my grieving process. It took me a year to cope with my mom's death but it does not mean that I forgot about her, I still miss her.

    I want to encourage you to grieve, cry when you feel like to. It will help you to feel better. Try to do things that you love little by little. I understand it's hard because I also experienced that feeling. Sometimes getting up in the morning was a struggle but I need to get up and do my household chores. I walked outside for minutes to feel the fresh air and sunlight. I'm glad you are seeing a doctor. Take care of yourself.

    I pray that you will have peace and comfort as you go through this season. Keep us posted, thank you for sharing.
    DrownedFishOnFire, Dawn and Fizzy1982 like this.
  6. Fizzy1982

    Fizzy1982 Well-Known Member

    Thanks for the support

    The doctor gave me extra medication. And with the ones i’m already taking,
    I feel very tired and sleep a lot.
    Also makes me wish when i fall asleep that i don’t wake up

    But for this i’m seeing a psychologist every week.
    My next appointment is tomorrow and i don’t feel like going
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
  7. Dawn

    Dawn Well-Known Member

    Hi Fizzy. Good to see u again but so sorry things are so bad. I hope that u feel better soon
    DrownedFishOnFire likes this.
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