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too much pain i honestly cant do this anymore this sucks, why?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by kieranhawk, Jul 5, 2013.

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  1. kieranhawk

    kieranhawk New Member

    so i am new to this site, i have never posted before and honestly i have no one to talk to i have no one who will listen i am at my limit i cant do this, i cant beleive this is it, so dissapointing, so sad, so alone, so painful. no escape, cant breathe, blindded, so cold, so hollow, so numb, so tired, desperate, so dark
    some info
    38 male; transgendered m2f in the middle of transitioning
    since jan 07,07 i have been hospitalized 11 times, hospitalized sometimes for three weeks other times a week
    divorced 3 times, long history of mental illness, abused alot, extreme self harm forever, my father died at 49, sister 48, brother 46, about 5 uncles died between 40-50, all my family died early from huntingtons, I really think Im next, which means in three years i will be in a nursing home at age 41, i have tried to end my life many times and many different ways, if i do have huntingotons disease i will deffinately end my life so basicaly i have no choice i have to end my life some time in the near future, my exwife #2 kidnapped my two children and i have hadnt seen or heard about them since njanuary 7, 2005, about 9 years, i am desperate, i am not living, the medications I am on dont help the doctors dont help nothing helps with me because, i know for a fact that i have to end it soon no matter what,,,i saw my family die from huntingtons and i will not die like that,,,honestly i need to be hospitalized permantly, but i only have a few years left of life so i dont want to be in mental hospital for the last few years of my life...i have no hope no interset in anything ..
    i am lost i dont know what to do
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 5, 2013
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Hi kieranhawk and welcome...wish I could reach through this screen and give you a big hug...but all I can do is send you a cyber one...hug...please share with us what is going on...I am sure there are people here who will understand
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