Too much pain, too much time

2 years since i joined this forum, 4 years since i felt very suicidal, and many more since i had the first reasons to die. it must be over soon, only 1 reason left to keep me alive (the pain i will cause to my family). but how long can i live for others? each day brings more sorrow and loneliness, and there is no light nowhere in the future. dont say i will be happy one day. i know what will make me happy, and i know i will never have that. if you ask me to type one good thing that happened to me in the last 10 or more years, i would have to create a blank post, and that will be the answer of your question. if you ask me for the reasons that makes me want to die, it will be a very long post, and i was making lots of posts and threads in the past here on this forum, so everything is over and there, but i am too tired to talk about it again.

 

Well it seems you are gone now and for that I am sorry.

Please know that I care very much. Iknow your story as we have spoken before and I have read your posts.

I am glad you have your family to hang on to and hope that you have some friends here at SF to live for and to find support from...I am here if you need a friend and someone to lean on..you sound very tired from you struggle and I know what that is like so know I am here for you.

Love and hugs Bambi

 

i was here, but i was on chat, so server disconected me from the forum. i havent been on the chat in the last few months.


and even my story is very long, it can be told in just a few words: everything went wrong, starting from my health, then love, friends and everything that comes with these 3 things that actually makes life to be worth living. So i lost everything that was worth to live for. Now, i just wait, but i cant wait too long.

 

Well I am your friend..now 1 out of 3 aint great but it is a start and from the looks of things you can count Alison as a friend to....I know it is not the love that you seek but I know your story and love you so can we say 1.5 out of 3?

I know my friend you are very tired...that is part of our journey sad to say...but that is were people like Alison and I come in....friends...to remind you that you are beautiful inside and outside and that your life is worth living.

What can I do for you?

I am here....

 

I dont think anyone can do something to help me. Maybe a bit, a conversation helps,but i've already made my final decision months ago, but i decided to postpone it as much as i can. Now i think i cant anymore, and that its time to let it go. I do know how would i want to do it, althought the method is unavailable here where i live, and i cant talk about it on this forum. But that doesnt matter anyway, all i know is that it will be all good after i do it... at least for me. I used to cry for myself, and my life. Now, i dont cry for myself anymore because im 100% sure that im doing the right thing, but i cry for my family that i will leave behind.

 

I have put you in touch with die with dignity organizations and I am sorry that was not a source of help for you situation. I am here for you as a friend please know that.

 

:missyou:darling,
you know that i care about you,
despite that im half across the world, i am determined to visit you someday and sneak you into the U.S. and then you can be happy! hah. okay, so maybe its a long shot, ya know, sneaking a grown man into a suitcase, but it can happen right??? hahahah. well, all i know is that you're my friend and i dont want you to go. so dont. *hugs*


:missyou: