too much pain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by luna6, Sep 20, 2012.

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  1. luna6

    luna6 Member

    i dont know if everyone feels this way or not, but i just feel too much emotional pain every day and i can't take it anymore. what seems like nothing or a small thing to most people crushes and devastates me. i can't survive and thrive in this world, i dont feel. i think i was made too emotionally sensitive for the harshness of this world, and i need to die, bc that is the only solution.
    i just dont know what time or how to do it. ideally i just want to crawl into bed, fall asleep, and never wake up again. it would take a few days before anyone noticed me i think, and yeah some people would be sad, like my family and close friends, but they'd get over it eventually. or else they'd be sad their whole lives, just like i am, and then i can't help them anyways bc i can't even help myself.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    You can help yourself go in and get therapy to help you not be sensitive hun hugs
     
  3. Brickwall

    Brickwall Member

    I know what you mean, Luna6. I feel the same way about myself---I recently realized that I can't go through a single day without being negatively triggered by something that evokes my abuse history. I envy "normal" people who would encounter the same situations and be completely fine . . . and I also feel anger toward those normal people because it's not fair that they can go through life feeling whole and safe and secure all the time (or at least more of the time than I can).

    Being so vulnerable gets me in touch with feelings of self-hatred---I berate myself for not being able to be stronger, for getting thrown by the simplest thing. And that self-hatred triggers the suicidal stuff for me. I know I need to be nicer to myself in general, but it's difficult. I know what you mean about not being able to help yourself---I've been feeling that way a lot lately, like I don't have the inner resources to take care of myself. And that really makes me angry because it's my job to take care of me, and I have to find a way to do it, but I feel like I suck at it.
     
  4. luna6

    luna6 Member

    perhaps the most pathetic thing is is that I do go to therapy, every week. in fact i have a team of people trying to help me bc i have an eating disorder and so i have a dietician, physician, and a therapist, and I still feel this way. to me this just means i'm even more hopeless. i really really want to die. i cant take these feelings any more.
     
  5. luna6

    luna6 Member

    i just want to cry to someone who cares and ask them to please help me!
     
  6. J185

    J185 Member

    I feel the same way too.....sometimes I just wish I could fall asleep and never wake up. I'm usually up all night, and it gets so lonely, there's nobody to talk to. I almost died in a car accident Tuesday night, and part of me honestly wishes I had. For some reason I came out with only 2 scratches on me and a little soreness, I dont know why I survived, if it was some kind of saving like I was meant to survive for some bigger purpose, or if it was just a coincidence. It was my dads gf's car too, theyve been out of town for a week and come home tomorrow, I don't know what's going to happen to me........
     
  7. luna6

    luna6 Member

    i know that feeling of dread and impending doom of when you're about to face negative repercussions for something. I hope it doesn't go as badly for you as you think. can you maybe call your dad ahead of time and tell him? that might give him time to calm down by the time he gets home. and honestly, he probably would be most relieved to know you're ok.
    more importantly, i identify with your wondering why you lived when you could died. It's not the same thing, but two years ago, my mom passed away, and i cannot understand why God would do that to her or let that happen to her when she was so important to people and had so much to give and do here on earth and i was there wishing to be dead. it kills my soul to think about that. plus i miss her so much i just would rather be dead too.
     
  8. Lestat

    Lestat Well-Known Member

    All I can say (and hope you believe me) is that I have been close to where you are now. I took the pills, never ate, even stopped drinking... I did not only want to die, I wanted to hurt so bad. But, I am so glad It never worked and the help I got patched me up.

    You are in a dark place. You see no way out... But you can get out and be happy again. Please keep going. If you want to talk pm me. :)
     
  9. AlienBeing

    AlienBeing Well-Known Member

    When I was 21 I totalled my parents' car and thought they were going to kill me. But t were just happy that I was OK. But then the hospital got them all worried first, telling them I was there because of a car accident but refusing to tell them my condition which was just fine and I was just there for observation. So they came rushing to the hospital expecting to find me horribly injured and I was just sitting on the bed looking bored.
     
  10. ACPhilosopher

    ACPhilosopher Active Member

    Have you ever thought about making a conscious effort to toughen yourself up physically so that you would feel more able to handle things emotionally? I'm a big believer in strength training and aerobic exercise to relieve stress and build confidence. Weight training is a good way to raise your pain threshold so that little things don't bother you as much. If you don't exercise now, you would probably be very surprised at how much difference it can make in your outlook. Training to run a marathon or even a 5K run can change your self-image dramatically, in addition to improving your health and giving you more energy from day to day.

    Well, you'll probably blow my suggestion off but I think if you gave it a fair try, you would feel more in control of your emotions and your life after a few months. Most people don't think of strengthening themselves physically in order to deal with emotional problems, but it's a good strategy. There are positive mental benefits that go along with the physical benefits of exercise.
     
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