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Too much sadness

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by Aisha, Mar 5, 2018.

  1. Aisha

    Aisha New Member

    I’ve been very sad lately. It all started last spring when I broke up with my now ex boyfriend. I never though heartbreak could be that painful. I spent months regretting it, but he wanted a to be in relationship with someone else and there was nothing I could do but protect myself. I figured breaking up with him now would be much better than breaking up with him later after I had fallen in love with him. Soon after I tried to distract myself with school and work. I worked so much that I started to hate it. I then started to drink as another way to cope with the hurt. This went on for a few months until I found another unhealthy coping method, weed. After summer ended and I started school, I continued it until I became addicted to it. I was smoking numerous times each day. This led my grades to drop and for some of my friendships to fade away. I started to not have movitation to do anything anymore. I thought it was a phase and that I would just get through it until I started to have suicidal thoughts. I went to get some counseling help because I didn’t want to feel this way anymore. I got diagnosed with PTSD from all the things that have happened in my childhood and mild depression.

    Last night, I wanted to end my life more than I ever wanted to in my life. I’m just tired of consistently being sad. I want to be happy again but I don’t know how or if I ever will be. There’s so much going on in my life, it’s just too much. I just can’t handle it anymore. I feel like no one I know understands me and I can’t tell them how I feel because they always try to cheer me up but that’s not what I need. It’s all getting too much for me. No one knows I’m depressed or have PTSD because I don’t know how they’ll handle it.
     
  2. Winter Blues

    Winter Blues SF Supporter

    Dear Aisha I am so very sorry to hear about your break up with your boyfriend. Breaking up is hard and doesn’t get any easier how often it happens or how old you get. I am glad you have found SF though as there are so many loving, caring and supportive people on this site and most will be far better able to advise you. But I am glad you have found counselling too .. are you still attending. Have you spoken to your doctor? Do you have anyone close to you who you can talk to? There are so many tomorrows when you will have something to smile about. Keep talking on this site, read other threads as well. Stay strong love please .... sending you a hug and always here to listen xx
     
    Petal likes this.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi @Aisha Welcome to the forum & glad you joined us here.

    Saddened to hear about what happened with your ex. Life does go on and it can get easier but you need to build a support network around you in my opinion.
    You mentioned you have PTSD and depression, are you under a psychiatrists care still? Do you have a counselor?
    If not I would strongly advise you to get one, it could help you so much and make everything leveled out, helping you with coping mechanisms and such.

    Are you still in school/college? I'd recommend trying to get your grades back up and doing your best, give it your all. One life.

    Best wishes and warm welcome :)
     
  4. cofish

    cofish Member

    Hi Aisha

    In my honest opinion, you have made the right call regarding your boyfriend. I don't know if it would be more painful later or not, since you would probably have a very bumpy road ahead in such relationship. From my experience, it is not a good idea to dull the pain through substances usage, since it doesn't solve the cause. My advice to you is to pause for a bit and think what is causing you pain. Are you still having regrets? Do you feel it was your fault? How do you feel about yourself? Has your opinion about yourself changed due to breakup? Think it through and then talk about it with someone close, but make it clear that you look for advice, not just emotional support. The doctors may be quite helpful? Never been to one, hence I can't be sure. Either way, you may be surprised to suddenly find a different root of the problem than you initially thought. Remember the conversation isn't about shaming youself or being judged, but getting a new perspective. There is not a single person who wasn't tempted to turn towards weed/alko or worse things to ease up the pain. I would also start slowing down with weed and alkohol, they offer temporary relief, but don't solve anything. I am not advocating becoming pure abstinent, but simply get to the point where u drink / smoke cause you choose to, not have to. Start cutting on them and till you feel like you are in control.
    My personal experience advice - start doing some form of sport. It may be a jogging 3 times a week, maybe dancing, some workout at gym. Something that will tire you physically, but in return provide mental rest. It may be hard to start, and keep a regular schedule, but stick to it. This helped me a lot. I also second the opinion of @Petal, try to get back into studying. I am not gonna throw you some classic line, that it is you future on the line. You will simply feel better once you get your good grades back, while also avoiding the stress from having the bad ones. Try creating a certain day schedule for yourself like school - 1 hour of free time to relax/eat/whatever - 1-2 hours of studying - 1-2 hours of sport. Try something new to break up your daily routine. Fill your spare time with some new activities and don't stop them even when you will be attacked by feeling of hopelessness. Remember, it doesn't have to be all sport, try going for a walk, visit a friend, grab a coffee. Stick to your plan despite depression. Don't sit and let your mind wander in familiar places. Make it work over something new. In time it will help you by keeping you away from negative thoughts, and at worst you will try new things :). Don't give up, stick to what you plan, you can certainly do it.

    Hope this will help.
    Good luck!
     
    Petal likes this.
  5. Aisha

    Aisha New Member

    Hi Winter Blues,
    I haven’t seen my counselor in a while because I’m tired of it. I feel like I’m never going to get the help I need. I’m also too afraid to tell him about a lot of the things that’s happened in my childhood because I feel if I do it’ll make it real. Many of my friends have their own problems and don’t have the time help. It just sucks because I’ve always been there for them when they needed me and now that I really need them they’re not here for me. I know it’s not their responsibility as well.
     
  6. Aisha

    Aisha New Member

    Hey Petal,
    I’m not under psychiatrists care at the moment. I’ve been seeing a counselor, but I haven’t been motivatesd to go back lately. I just feel like none of it would help. There was a lot going on in my life before my ex and I feel like what happened with him was the last straw. I don’t know how to keep myself going anymore. It gets too much most days.