too much stress can't take it anymore

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by White Dove, Nov 19, 2011.

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  1. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    i am in too much stress and i can't take it anymore..

    my brother got his lights cut off which were still in my name, so i let him use some jucie ( run a extintion cord to his house so he could have lights ) well he got paid fridayand stayed out to way past 3 am because i went to bed at 3 am, when i woke up at 8 am he was at home so i ask them if they paid on the bill they say no, and then his wife mary got mad at me. i am trying all i can to help them and they just don't see it. i am thru with it all. i cant pay all the dang bills. i just cant it is too much stress upon me, too much. all i did was ask them if they had paid it and then she gets mad. i mean i didn't do anything wrong by asking her this. they get a paycheck every week i don't. i dont have nothing to eat, no way to pay all the high light bills or anything. i told her they were starving me to death by making me pay all these high light bills. i have had. i cant take it anymore...
  2. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    And then she said she was leaving and if they do i will not be able to pay the bills. i will be stuck all these dang high light bills, so i am thru with everything. i cant take this
  3. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well, i went over there and tried to talk to her but she wont even talk to me, just mad got in the car and sped out the driveway.. all i did was asked if she paid the light bill. that is all and she got mad.. i love them and they dont understand that, so without me here they wont have to worry about the bill
  4. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    now my brothers upset because mary left in the car mad trying to kill herself over just me asking if they paid the light bill. i just went over and told him to tell her i was sorry. i did not mean to make her upset.. now its my fault because i asked her a question and all i guess i screw everything up, but no more i cant take this
  5. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well, must be true no one cares here anymore.. you all take care. i wish you all peace and love
  6. 1Lefty

    1Lefty Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry for the stress, and pain that it is causing you. You don't deserve the pressure, or being used, especially from family you should be able to trust.

    You're doing the right thing by being here, and posting. I'm new here and don't have any insight into resolving your problem. I've been able to benefit from being here, and from the pool of knowledge and especially compassion here.

    I'm pretty sure there is a solution to your problem, and there are plenty of caring people who will listen and may be able to help you.

    I hope you post again soon.
  7. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    thank you 1lefty

    she came back just a minute ago and i think is still in the car. i do everything i can for them because i love them and they just don't see it at all. i am upset so much that even my heart is starting to hurt. i am on heart meds because i already had 1 heart attack for suicide attempt back a few years. i don't know what to do. i am hurting so bad. they just do not realize what all i give up and do without for them. but they will when i am gone.. they will no longer have me to do things for them. his daughter sav. told me they dont see how i can not have money. she said or rather thinks i get 1500 a month. that is not true, i get 350 a month for taking care of dad and 679 in ssi payments, then about 30 dollars for doing surveys and when you request them they often take a while before they send it like 30 days.. out of that i pay 225 for a land payment, 75 for a water bill payment 250 for a light bill 45 for car insurance, 350 for the oxygen machine ( because tenncare cut me off a few years ago ) then i got to pay for loans i took out to help them, i had to borrow money on my van title to help get my dog at the vet after his daughters puit bull attacked him, that payment is 60 a month if i dont pay it i lose the 1990 van, then they did not have a wood stove last winter, so i borrow 200 sig loan to buy them a wood stove, payment is 157 per month, but i dont have the full payment so i keep renewing it until i can get the van title pickerd, payment on it is 51 per month, just pay the fin charge and they rehold it, then i borrowed 300 on my subaru title just to get him a tranny for his truck, because he didnt have anything to drive. that payment is 65 a month, now add that up and see how much i have to buy food, pay phone bill, etc..
  8. tx915

    tx915 Active Member

    finances are so depressing. I really do understand where you're coming from. Sometimes the only thing that keeps me from offing myself is thinking about how many more bills I'll have if I fail. Those people seem so unappreciative.

    Are they on drugs or just drinkers?

    Hang in there
  9. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well brother just came over wanted to know if i had any of their cd tapes, apperantly she is really mad at me and doesn't want anything to do with me.. that is so wrong and so unfair because i have done everything to help them. now she is p-off at me and mad. i don't need this nor am i gonna take any more of it.. when i am gone they will realize just what all i had done for them and it will be too late then because i will be gone.. it's about time for me to see my mom and brother anyhow!
  10. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    she smoke marajunia because it helps her from having seziers and brother takes pain meds because of his back.. yep. they drink also.. i just am so tired of pouring my heart out for them and they get mad at me and upset just because i asked about a bill and that if she paid any on it!

    this is the only choice i see right now.. they will be better off without me anyhow.. i will be doping them a favor so they won't have to put up with me anymore..
  11. White Dove

    White Dove Well-Known Member

    well i made up my mind.. no more hurt is coming to me ever again!

    i am closing up my heart and not ever gonna help my brother on anything again. if he and his wife can not see what all i do for them because they are blinded by their own selfishness to even consider.. they would be homeless without me.. and they know that..

    i need a vacation.. a serious vacation and that is exactly what i am taking..i am not talking about hurting myself, i am talking about a vacation away from everyone and when i get this land sold i am packing up and moving out of state to a new place, away from everyone..

    my brother and his wife think i am jumping onto them when all i did was ask a question rather or not they paid on the light bill that is in my name and currently cut off, now theyu are all upset at me and mad at me.. i am the one that should be mad! i let them leave the lights on in my name so they could have lights. i pawned and borrowed money to help them out that is taking me a heck of a long time to get paid off. i lost my job because i had to take dad to his doc appintments because my brother was too busy with his life to help me out. i have done nothing but been nice to them.. no more.. they need to fend for themselves, they need to styart learning how to manage their money.. they got theirselves into the mess they are in by not paying the bills when they should have.. he works and makes 460 each week, they dont pay me rent. they could have easliy paid the 143 dollar light bill. instead they put things on lawaway paid for min on a cell phone for them with cell phone for the kids i assume, went to beer joints, and my brother drove withoyut a dl knowing he did not have one.. they brought it all upon themselves..

    they are mad but i should be the one mad.. all i did was ask if they had paid some on the light bill. no his wife said he had a little 200 dollar check and they could not even pay 20 dollars on it.. i asked where they were last night and she got all defencive.. of course they went bar hoping as always..

    i did it myself.. i got into debt to help them. i learned my lesson but i wont go into debt anymore for them. they are both adults that need to learn to manage their money.. i will get oyut of debt but as to helping them? no more ever!!
  12. BK_Jetsfan

    BK_Jetsfan Well-Known Member

    Just read this entire thread and I am very glad you've decided that the solution is to not kill yourself, but to stop letting them kill you. Sorry, hate to butt into family business, but it sounds like they are straight using you. It's a sucky situation, and you clearly have a good heart and have done much and sacrificed much for your entire family. But I'm glad you've decided not to sarcifice your life for them. Stop helping, take anything and everything associated with them OUT of your name, and focus only on getting your financial house in order. They are adults, if they can't figure out their lives, that's on them. Don't take that on your shoulders. Proud of you!
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