A year ago I started dating an older co-worker. I was going through a very rough time having trouble finding a place to live, had just lost my best friend because he couldn't deal with my depression... he was very kind and took me under his wing, helped me through my depression and helped me to find a home. We started dating and I moved into his house in September. My depression started to wear on him too. I was very sick with lyme disease and had to stop working for 3 months, even now I'm only able to work about 10 hours a week. Our sex life wasn't good because I was abused as a child and still have trouble now. He started to get very resentful. A week ago he cheated on me with another young coworker but had the decency to tell me. I'm in shock and feel sick and can't believe he would do this to me, at the same time I'm so angry at myself for not being worth anyone's time because of my issues. Now I'm trying to work it out with him but my heart tells me it isn't right, but I can't work very much and I can't afford my own place, I can't even afford my medical bills, and my disease is progressing just making my struggle with work worse. It is an endless cycle. I don't know what to do. I have nowhere to go. I've thought of checking into an inpatient program but that is expensive too. The worst is my horrible mood swings and lack of control. For most of the day I am able to survive, but at night the reality hits me, it is a nightmare only real, the pain and fear is so great, I become self destructive and find myself slicing up my arms and taking pills (self-harm, no suicidal intent) and beating my body with my fists, I am bruised and cut all over. I sleep 3 hours a night if even. I don't eat more than one small meal a day and I was already underweight. I am in so much pain both physically from the progressing disease and emotionally. I am destroying my life. I just want to die, I am afraid one of these times I will lose control completely and take a lethal overdose with my prescription drugs (although, thankfully I know its hard to successfully die from that). No point to this really, I just have no one to turn to.