Too Much Turmoil

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by BlackPegasus, Jan 14, 2008.

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  1. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    I am in so much emotional turmoil I can't even talk or deal with people. I want company yet I'm afraid to be around people. I want to be held but I'm afraid to be touched. I want to scream but I don't want to be heard. I am on the very edge of this cliff and I'm falling but it's a dream and I wake up. I don't know how much longer I can deal with this before I completely lose it.

    I don't understand. Why did he treat everyone nice but me? Why did he humiliate me like that? Why couldn't he understand it hurt to see him being nice to others when he was so cruel to me.

    Nobody understands! This is something else farther and deeper than ever before. This is beyond my ability to deal with. I feel like my hands are slipping off the one hold I have and then I'll do down so far I'll never get back up. But nobody will believe me on how bad it really is. I'm all alone on this one.
     
  2. An Angel in Black

    An Angel in Black Well-Known Member

    i feel exactly the same way right now. im sick too. but he has no right to call you lazy, worthless or anythng else, as nothing you do can be helped..i know..my father acts the same way towards me..my father doesnt mind calling me an asshole, or anyone else an asshole. i feel like were in the same situation..what you do is up to you, but my recomendation is to get away. thats what im trying to do, afford to live w/o my parents. just a suggestion, but have you tried maybe going to stay with someone else? or if the house is in your name you can ask him to leave anytime. but i know what youre going through, my dad makes my life a living hell. youre not alone though, i was fortunate enough to make friends here and you will too.
     
  3. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    When you are feeling up to some company, PM me. I was in a 20 year relationship with a husband that was extremely abusive in every form but to everyone else, he was "touched by God" and nobody would believe me about him. He was everyone's "best friend". In public I was his equal, behind closed doors his piece of shit to do as he pleased with. I know what you are trying so hard to deal with. There is hope but you need to be strong and need to be able to do it for yourself. You've taken the 1st baby step by realizing that what he was doing was not right. I believe you!!!! You're not alone, and my hand is out there for you to grab for something new to hold on to.

    I've read your journals and I'm sitting here shaking as they remind me exactly of my married life. We could of been married to the same man!!!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2008
  4. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Thank you for the replies. Angel I am out and it my abusive husband not parents but thank you so much for responding. It means so much to know that somebody cares about what I am going through. :hug:

    itmahanh,
    I have no clue how I'm gonna survive if none of the places I've applied for work call. I already have medical issues I need to have looked at, possibly serious and my mental health is failing. I can't find anyway to see a doctor. I don't qualify for the free clinics. I was planning my note and will earlier (to make sure my animals go to good homes). Suddenly it hit me about my family hurting so I knew I had to find help so I don't hurt them by killing myself. I'm in an awful predicament and since I can't drive if my transportation goes I see no other way. I am hanging on for now but not sure how many months/years before things will be impossible.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2008
  5. BlackPegasus

    BlackPegasus Well-Known Member

    Oh god!!! Please tell me they haven't found me here on this site! I might have to leave! - phew! nvm false alarm!
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 15, 2008
  6. itmahanh

    itmahanh Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    If there are women shelters in your area contact one of them. They are staffed with wonderful people that can get you information about everything that is available to you. You don't have to spend time in the shelter to be able to access the staff or the help. You might even want to book some time to speak to one of the counsellors. It really helped to have someone who knew what I was going through to talk to. Is there a women's advocacy group available? Same thing, they can find you help in places you never would of thought of on your own. Where I am there is Social Assistance to help financially. I really hate being dependent on them but it keeps a roof over my childrens heads and food in their stomaches (barely). You are being so strong! I'm so proud of you that you have decided to try your best to hold on. Your fighting a tough battle but you are starting to lean to the winner's side. Just remember to take a little baby step each day and don't expect miracles overnight.
     
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