too much

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Wastingecho, May 29, 2013.

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  1. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    to make sure i get a decent seat i'm the first one on the train so first thing i see is an empty car

    too tired to fight the crowds getting off so i wait until everyone else is off so i leave an empty car

    get to work early every day so all i see are rows of empty desks

    too alone

    got an e-mail for a meeting to celebrate someone's 15th annivesary working here - head of development taking everyone out to lunch

    been here over 25 years all i got was a little metal paperweight

    no value - i didn't count then - i don't count now

    can't leave, can't function, can't breathe

    alone and useless

    urge to put an end to it all is so strong it's making me shake - can't stop shaking

    catching myself saying that i need to die out loud - no one else had heard me yet

    feel like i'm back where i was when i first came to this site

    can't go through another 3 years like that

    therapy didn't help - drugs didn't help

    only have one alternative left
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    :hug: Just letting you know I care, and you don't have to go through everything alone. Always here if you need anything.
  3. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    hurts too much - won't stop

    don't want to survive the pain just so that i can go through it again
  4. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

  5. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    co-worker was thanking me for getting her some information - told her i would send her the link to the research site because i might not always be around

    she said "why? are you going to kill yourself?"

    couldn't very well tell her the truth
  6. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    we love you
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Was that co-worker someone you could confide in? I know you couldn't when you posted this but I mean do you trust him/her enough to confide in them? Maybe they can help you.
  8. Wastingecho

    Wastingecho Well-Known Member

    they were joking - i don't have any one i can trust any more
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