Too much

[Bigman2232]

Right now I'm as calm as can be on the outside but inside I just don't know what to do. I make everything into a joke in order to try and keep me distracted from all of the stuff I have to do.

I have school work to do, which I'm not motivated for and am doing really poorly on. It's supposed to be my last year but I may end up failing and then what. I'm already worried about the debt. I have no idea what I'm going to do for a career. I don't think I'm good enough or have the right things to do some of the jobs I'd like. I just don't know and it's ending so fast.

I then have to try and figure out how to help my mom, who has declared bankruptcy, had to give notice cause she can't afford rent at our home, can't find a new place, can't afford to pay for a new place. And if I wasn't living where I am now, I'd have no where to go during the holidays. And what happens when I'm done school and move back.

How am I supposed to have fun with people, and maybe try and finally meet a girl when I have all these disasters to deal with? I may be university educated but that doesn't prevent homelessness.

I've had to play man since I was 10 and now that I'm supposed to actually be a man, I feel like a little boy.

It's just too much to have to deal with.

And then yesterday was so much fun but yet showed how bad it really is. Did a scavenger hunt where a lot of it was getting strangers to do things. I had fun doing the stuff but I also saw how I couldn't approach these people without scaring or making them feel uncomfortable. The one time I did the approaching was when we got a pic with a big biker gang.

And I got a kiss on the cheek out of pure pity and because another girl asked her to do it.

f ck:sad::unsure:

 

[itmahanh]

Hey I know it's easier said than done but try to worry about one thing at a time. Dont look at the whole picture and try to see it all at once, but rather look at little details and work on them until they make the whole picture complete. You still got time left at school so concentrate on that. Once your getting along with your studies, you will see some of the pressure ease. Then you can start to worry about a career. Making that kind of choice has to been done while your thinking straight and not in a panicked stated. Once you have that sorted you can concentrate on making a wage and maybe helping your Mom out. I always say "baby steps". You need to take little steps before you can walk and then run. Relationships can and usually do happen when you least expect it. So dont even bother wasting your time on that right now. When the time is right, it will happen, you'll see. Please try to be a little easier on yourself. Half of the game of life is learning to love yourself and then others will follow. Please be safe and good luck.